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Thank you everyone for your prayers. My brother is still at my mom's. He's getting better, but unfortunately he doesn't feel rehab will help him so I guess he's obviously not ready to fully deal with this yet. But I guess the good part is that he's still there and hasn't left yet. In the past he's only ever lasted about 5 days before taking off and it's been 8 days now. So that's a positive. We're just taking it one day at a time.
A few months ago when he went to detox for a couple days (left and went back to the lifestyle after 3 days) he complained about how he didn't like the religious part of the 12 steps. I explained to him that a higher power doesn't necessarily have to mean God...that it can be any type of higher power you believe in. He didn't buy it. He thinks that rehab is all about pushing religion down your throat. Does anyone know of any other programs that don't incorporate any type of religion?
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Just concentrating on getting through one day at a time.
AA - and I think you know it's just an excuse to not get help and as u say he obviously is not ready yet . In fact I tried that one myself for awhile hehe, didn't work
Gods time not ours is so hard to accept sometimes. Louise
I'm with the others... he's just using religion as today's excuse not to choose recovery... tomorrow, it might be the colour of the paint on the walls in the AA room that he doesn't like.... It's all just blah, blah, blah. The 12 Steps are set up, the way they are, to purposely allow ALL people to choose recovery, regardless of religious affiliation (including athiests and agnostics).
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Sorry, I don't know of any programs other than 12 Step ones. I was also given to believe that statistically-speaking AA has the best long-term success rate. I'd like to share my experience with you in the hope it may help.
My A was an atheist but not an agnostic. His 'recovery' went through many phases. 1st he acknowledged he had a problem but carried on drinking, next he wanted to do something about it but carried on drinking, then he became willing to do something about it but carried on drinking. In time he KNEW he HAD to do something about it so he tried AA. Then the 'God' bit put him off so he went back out drinking for approximately another year; the doors to AA swing both ways. Then he went back to AA but picked up four times after increasing lengths of sobriety for the next year. Fortunately, after he picked up he went straight back to his meetings the next day. Eventually, he hit his 'true' rock-bottom and was ready for recovery. He had to acknowledge and accept a power greater than himself in his own and Gods time.
Although that was his experience and I was already in Alanon I was still very much caught up in him. My recovery went through phases too! I think it was quite natural to be optimistic and hopeful as I saw the gradual increments in his desire to stop drinking and after all Tradition 5 said I could 'encourage and understand our alcoholic relatives'. However, I lost some of my focus, went beyond hope and quite unknowingly got my expectations up. I grabbed that dangled carrot and went dashing for the finishing line...needless to say after I hit the floor a couple of times when he resumed drinking I eventually learnt that my serenity could not be dependant on his sobriety!
I also realise now that in my enthusiasm I was actually walking a fine line between supporting him and potentially sabotaging his recovery. My 'encouragement' could have been interpreted as interference. Fortunately, I pulled myself up with the help of my group members before I had done any damage or given him valid reason to blame me for any failure on his part to make it work. I looked at my motives and yes, they were genuinely based on a desire for his health and happiness but I was shocked to discover that there was a part of me that wanted his recovery to ease my anxiety and to make my life less emotionally chaotic. I then had to work my program much harder to keep my focus on me and keep 'hands-off' him. I also had to learn not to live in fear of the next relapse as I had lived in fear of the next drink.
Now, I'm not suggesting for one moment this is what you're doing, I'm just hoping to give you a heads-up on some of the potential pitfalls. I know my HP walked beside me and the mistakes I made I was meant to learn from. It was just that I caused myself some unneccessary suffering. You have explained to your brother about the concept of a HP now all you can really do is leave him in HP's hands and keep working your program to the best of your ability, with what you have, right now. I wish you both well.
I too have been put off of 12 step programs for a very long time because of the religious bent they seem to have so I do understand that part of it.
I do not believe in a kind loving just god.
This being said, I do believe that people need to take the parts of things that work. And in my experience 12 step programs work. I recommend AA to clients at least twice a week. My answer to the higher power is that if you need it to be it can be your left shoe.
If this is your brother's only reason then maybe he is not yet ready. I do know of rehab centres that do not have the religious bent but almost all of them incorporate a 12 step program in a clients discharge plans. Again because they WORK.
Am keeping you in my thoughts and hoping your brother figures it out because only he can.
You take care of YOU!!!
In alanon
Annie
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Two things: 1. Recovery is a process, not an event.....and.... 2. You only get to go around once. Leave em laughing and make it worth your while
