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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Another Newbie, Please Help.
Post Info TOPIC: Another Newbie, Please Help.
mbernal99


Newbie

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Posts: 2
Date:
Another Newbie, Please Help.
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Hello,  New Guy here.  I found your excellent forum so here is my story:


I am 35 years old and still live at home.  I have degree in electrical engineering, but I suffer from panic disorder so I can't seem to hold down a job to help me move out of the house.  And boy do I really want to move out!  My father also suffers from the same problem I have, but unlike me he takes xanax 3 times day and every other weekend he goes on drinking binges.  He keeps telling me that he does it to make himself feel better, because his anxiety disorder has gotten worse over the past few years.  He is right, his anxiety has gotten really bad, but I know that alcohol does NOT make him better.  Mixing beer with xanax is now making him 10 times more drunk and very hyper.  This past Memorial day weekend he had a long 4 day drinking binge and today he looks like the living died.  Sure, I can really tell that drinking sure does help him, NOT!!  It's making him worse!  My mom and I can not stand him when he is drunk.  He lies to us and he manipulates anywhere one around him to make them feel sorry for him.  He thinks everybody loves him and respects him.  He just loves to pick a fight with me and my mother.  He always tells us that we don't do anything for him.  We have been trying to get him help for years know, but won't take it.  He sees a doctor every month to get more xanax for this disorder, but always keeps himself sober for days before he goes so they won't take the medicine away from him.  Like I said he lies and manipulates everyone.  And he also promises to STOP drinking all the time, yeah right!!  Last March he went completely crazy after a 3 day binge of beer and xanax and he fired a gun in the house to hurt himself.  The police came by and took him the mental hosptial to get help.  They didn't do a damn thing for him, he just lied to them, telling them he just did to get attention and was released the next day.  After that he promised he would never touch alcohol again.  That promise lasted only one month, he went right back to it.  Hell, there was even been days when he talks about how bad alcoholism is and how sorry he is for hurting this family and never do it again and the very next day he will start drinking and just tell me to stop judging him.  What the Hell!!  Living in a Hispanic neighborhood all my neighbors are alcohols too, so he was unlimited supply of alcohol and drinking buddys.  My dad's mentality is going down fast.  Even on the weekends when he doesn't drink, he is like a caged animal.  He looks like a junky waiting for his next fix.  It has gotten worse and worse, I have even tried leaving the house to try to scare him to quit, but it just makes him more angry and it just makes him drink even more.  He talks about dying all the time and he just want to end it all.  He just want to drink himself to death.  I don't know what to do for him anymore.  I think I should just let him drink himself to death, he's making my panic disorder worse everytime.  The other day I just had a nervous break down and just starting crying all day.  He didn't even care.  He dosn't care about himself why more, so why should he care about us anymore. 


So, where can I get local counseling here in San Antonio, because I really need it.  I don't know what to do anymore?  This family is breaking apart.


Thanks for listening,


Marco



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Tammy


Senior Member

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Posts: 394
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Welcome, you have come to the right place.. I found this site nearly one year ago and boy am I glad I did.. I think you will find that a lot of us here have alcoholics who are on depression/anxiety medication or some other type of medication that clearly says DO NOT DRINK ALCOHOL.. I know that my husband does.. For years I tried to hide his medication, beg him to stop, cry, threaten to leave if he didnt, I called his Dr and told him that he was drinking with his medication guess what none of it worked.. Today, he still drinks and takes his medication.. I have learned in alanon that I am not responsible for him or his actions just like you are not responsible for your fathers behavior drinking or not.. In alanon you will learn to detach from the alcoholic when he chooses to drink.. That means, take your mom and go to a movie, dinner whatever.. Stay out of his way when he makes that choice.. Tell him that ( set that boundry) when you drink, I will go elsewhere..
I would encourage you to find a alanon group in your area.. They are everywhere and easy to locate.. Go, you will meet people in your situation with your same feelings, and questions.. They have been there and will have words of encouragement..

Here are a few things to remember...

You didnt cause your father to start drinking ( no matter what they say )
You cant control whether he drinks or not ( begging doesnt work )
You cant cure it either ( his disease, only he can cure it )

You can help yourself, so grab your mom and find an alanon meeting.. They really help.. !!
Congratulations, you found one of the greatest sites online .. For many of us a lifeline

God Bless

Tammy

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Tammy
quest


Veteran Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 39
Date:
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marco - i send you lots of (((((hugs))))) - you have certainly come to the right place, please keep coming back.  it wasn't that long ago when i was spending all my time trying to figure out how to stop my husband from hurting himself with the drugs and alcohol he was using.  i tried everything, threats, getting promises, throwing stuff out, not giving him money, calling his doctor, but nothing worked, he just kept on going and i was really going crazy.  since finding al-anon i have found much peace in my life.  they teach you that you need to focus on your self.  the concept seemed odd to me at first, it even made me kinda mad at first because my husband had the problem not me.  but what i learned was that i had a lot of choices about me and that would effect both me and him.  i learned that i too had gone insane and needed to recover and that recovery benefits everone around me.  i am still learning so much, but i know it works, so please find a face to face meeting that you can attend regularly.  you certainly have taken a great first step by finding this place.  keep coming back - quest

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Christy


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3223
Date:
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mbernal,

Call 1-888-4AL-ANON (425-2666), Monday through Friday, 8 am to 6 pm ET

They will ask your state and town/city and give you meeting places, dates and times in your area.

Keep coming back
Christy

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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them.  And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
nmike


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 2677
Date:
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Marco,


Welcome to MIP! You have come to the right place. Alanon is for family and friends of alcoholics. There is no problem too great. We learn to focus on ourselves and find many tools to help us. Keep coming back.


In support,


Nancy



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mbernal99


Newbie

Status: Offline
Posts: 2
Date:
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Thank you, it feels good not be alone.  


Marco



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suzydawn


Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 24
Date:
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hi, I'm new here too so I don't really feel that I should reply yet . . . but up until a few weeks ago I worked as a psych nurse.  I just want to encourage you to seek professional help in treating your anxiety disorder.  Anxiety DO is considered a DO with high suicide risk factors . . . as is alcoholism I might add.  Anti-depressants are first choice over benzos.  Cognitive behavior therapy has also been effective in preventing attacks.  Take care `

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nycbt


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 810
Date:
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Welcome to MIP. You are not alone. There a lot of people who understand.


 


World Service Organization Website –


WWW.al-anon.alateen.org


Phone number is 1-888-425-2666


Alanon meetings 800-351-9996


Alanon literature Worldwide 888-425-2666


Alanon meeting info. 800-433-7266 AA info.


Chat room is open 24/7 there here the link to www.mipchat.net or http://www.12stepforums.net/chatroom2.html 


Here are some things that have helped me since in the program.



  • Go face to face meeting & online meeting.
  • post on the board here on the site. I have gotten a lot of good feed back.

·        Set support system.  people do not judge. You need someone who can go for coffee on a bad day, or pick up a phone and call when in trouble. The support is what is important when you first this program.



  • Have a sponsor. Someone work one on one with you.

You don’t have to do this the minute u come to the program but I suggest that u do it when u can. It help.


 

Meeting schedule: meetings are in here and run approximately 90 minutes from: Monday-Friday, 9 am and 9 pm EST, Saturday: 10 am and 9 pm EST, Sunday: 10 am and 7 pm EST. Topics are selected by participants at meeting time. UK +5 hours, central -1 hour, mountain -2 hours, pacific -3 hours. Open chat all other times.

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Hey everyone watch me grow. I go thru good & bad times. each day i am getting stronger.
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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Another Newbie, Please Help.