Mdm Butterfly- IF you are not safe.. please call this number for advice on Domestic Violence: They can help you make some decisions about your saftey. Domestic Violence is also safe to call if you need some help: 1-800-799-SAFE   (wonderful people answer the phones there)

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WELCOME to ALANON!  ((butterfly))<<<hugs

You say your new here...are you new to Alanon?  IF SO, maybe the best way to start with this and the situation you are in is to  talk with someone. Someone here in chat  or please consider to call  (numbers below) and ask information about how to locate a local meeting place.  This way you can sit in on some meetings and see how everything works.... PLUS, you'll get some face to face experience strength and hope from the others that are there. ((HUGS)) This is what we do....   We share our own stories on what has happened to us, how we have found and began to put the tools of this program to work for us.  This program is about You.  How to take care of You.  There are many of us that have been exactly where you are and would love to help you understand that your not alone!

I LOVE YOU~ (((BIGHUG)))  just for finding this website  thats a great start!

Going to list some phone numbers for you . Just call and let them know where you are so they can pinpoint a meeting place for you to visit.  Its totally safe, and you can remain anonomous.  Please dont be scared..... the people are just like all of us  here...we're warm and loving and the exact kind of support you are in need of now.

Really feel you'll enjoy going to a face to face (f2f) meeting to get the real feel of ALANON!  All WONDERFUL PEOPLE THERE TOO!!    I promise you will be happy that you atleast gave us a try and took some time to read the literature and meet all of us who love you even though we dont know ya yet.  

Call 1-888-4AL-ANON toll free for meeting schedules and locations nearest you.... 

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MIP WEBSITE MEETINGS SCHEDULES ARE;

All times are Eastern Standard Time
-1 hour  for central time
-2 hours for mountian time
-3 hours for pacific time
+17 hours for Sidney Australia

Room is open for general chat at all other times! 

I will be happy to get you some other phone numbers if you private message me, ( click on my name and then click on send private message ) and let me know city state and zip code to help ya out. 

((BIGHUG)))    Hope to see you in Chat--- someones there most all the time, just let them know you need to talk.  IFs its meeting time, ask to talk with someone in private after the  meeting is over.    Keep coming back!!    Keep Looking Up!

Hi MdmDragonfly, welcome to MIP and Alanon. I really feel for you. My circumstances were very different from your own but I certainly know the 'madness' of having loved and lived with an alcoholic. You have taken a huge step by reaching out for help and are no longer alone. It takes courage to put our stories out there so well done you! For me, admitting that there was a problem, that it was bigger than I and to talk about it honestly and openly with other people who had lived it too, was the beginning of healing and recovery.

My husband was not verbally or physically abusive so I can't personally identify but I know many who have lived that particular nightmare. I commend you for trying to remove yourself and your children from the situation and hope you can continue to do whatever you feel is right to keep you all safe. It sounds to me that you recognise the situation is unhealthy and that your children deserve to be raised in a more loving and nurturing environment. You are trying to establish some boundaries. Alanon meetings, literature and phone calls to other members I met at the face to face meetings really helped me with that and so much more. Alanon helped me to understand Alcoholism, how it had affected me and gave me the tools and the strength I needed to effect and maintain healthy change.

I learnt that Alcoholism is a disease that can be arrested but not cured. The alcoholic will only seek help when they have hit their personal rock-bottom. I didn't cause it, I couldn't control it and I couldn't cure it. What I did was contribute to it, albeit unknowingly and often with the best of intentions. I had to stop protecting him from the consequences of his behaviour and concentrate on changing my own.

Working a program of recovery gave me something positive to focus on. I made a committment to myself. It was a process for me and I made many mistakes but I was learning and growing. It was worth the time and effort I put in, I went from being despairing, defeated and utterly hopeless to feeling optimistic, free, enriched, hopeful and yes, HAPPY! I made meetings when I was ill, when the weather was bad etc. I know it may be difficult for you with a young baby. It's usually recommended that you go for at least six weeks to get a 'feel' for how it works. If you don't feel comfortable, find a different meeting but give yourself a chance. My life isn't perfect but it is so much more than it was.

When my A phoned I told him that I no longer would participate in the drunken dialogues. It was distressing for me and served no useful purpose. If he needed to speak with me then he had to phone when he was sober. Of course, he pushed the boundaries and it was necessary for me to assert politely but firmly that I didn't want to talk with him until he was sober and then I would hang up. On occasions I pulled the phone from the wall, especially when I went to bed as he had a habit of calling at the most ridiculous times! I don't know if this would work in your situation especially if the alcoholic may get abusive, I can only pass on my experience. An alternative may be to change your number.

Finally, please remember that it is perfectly natural to feel sad, hurt and overwhelmed. You are grieving the loss of a loved one, your hopes for a happy future together and your baby's daddy. Give yourself time to heal and be gentle on yourself.

In love and support, X  Maria  X