The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My son called me yesterday @ 5:00 just as I was leaving work to tell me that his dad was home & could take him to karate so I didn't have to rush. I told my son to give him the phone. When he got on, I asked where he had been. He claimed that had gone job hunting & got depressed due to the lack of prospects & ended up at my sister's house (whose husband is involved in this whole mess). He claimed they didn't do any drugs, just drank (which is bad enough in my book). I told him he should have called me and that I was pissed @ my sister too b/c she should have called to let me know he was there. She knows the situation and if it was her husband at my house, I would have called her.
Anyway, we met up at the park so my daughter could play while my son took karate. I told him that I found a possible house to buy but couldn't even look seriously at it until we listed ours. We can't do that until we fix the air handler & replace some boards on the porch. I told him that I found someone willing to do the work for cash under the table and he asked me to give him until Sunday to get it done. I said fine but after that I am hiring someone. Of course, somewhere in that conversation he told me not to ride his A** about it and he'll get it done. I told him that I have NEVER ridden his butt about ANYTHING and am thinking it is about time I start. He didn't like that too much.
For the rest of the evening he was all lovey dovey towards me & the kids. Telling me that I am beautiful even when I am making mean faces at him...yada yada yada. And this morning he told me to call him when I got a break at work. So I did...I called while I was in the car going to pick up my daughter for preschool. He got grumpy w/me & said he thought I'd call when our daughter was in the car so he could talk to her. I told him I would call him right back. Literally 8 min later I called so she could talk to him & he was on the other line....we got voice mail. I tried back for the next 10 min - nothing. So I let her leave a voice mail for him. It is 2:40 and he still hasn't retrieve her messages. I am thinking, What in the world are you doing or where have you gone....he was so eager to talk to her but was on the phone when her call was expected and then never bothered to check her messages (our phone lights up red on the end of the antenna when we have voice mail so he would have noticed right away that there was a message).
That is my latest update. I am so confused as to what I should be doing. I haven't told him about the lawyer meeting - I don't want him to add stress to the situation. I am going to go in there & see what is what before I say anything to him. I had already told him that I was planning on getting a divorce but I think he thinks I have decided not to go through with it. I had only delayed it. I guess I have just been waiting for him to disappear again to prove to myself that it is the right choice - filing for divorce.
Ok, I am done for now. Thanks for listening and thanks to everyone who responded to my post yesterday about him being gone again.
Good luck with everything! I think the riding the butt, nag, thing is there for all men. My first husband would always complain I was nagging if I asked him to take care of something twice. (He wasn't an a).
Just stick to your guns. Keep taking care of you. I hope your day gets better.
There is no need to tell him the options you are exploring, it doesn't mean you will go through wit the divorce. You are just protecting you and the kids by knowing all your options.
Is it possible your sister as sick as her husband and yours?
Josey
__________________
Julianne - It's best to move on. You cannot look back in anger in life. It's too short
Thanks for the support. And to answer your question josey - I have wondered whether my sister was on the same path as my husband many many times over the last 4 months. I have come to a conclusion that I truly believe - No. I am not saying she has never tried anything b/c I due know that she smokes cigs & used to smoke pot years ago. BUT now she has 3 adorable children and holds down a pretty good job. I think her problem is the same problem she has had since we were kids.....she can be a dingbat and tends to tell lies to cover crap up. Plus, I know her husband is to blame & she is probably scared of him, though she may never admit it. If I were her, I'd be scared every second of my life. He is psycho in my opinion. So I am thinking she may have had several reasons for not calling - 1) it'd be hell to pay if her husband caught her 2) my AH told her he already called me 3) And this is the most likely, she didn't want me knowing what was going on and normally goes on at her house. She has fabricated so many lies about her husband to cover up for him that she is having trouble keeping them all tied together in a nice little bow. She just doesn't realize she hasn't been fooling some of us for a very long time.
So that is that. AND FYI - My son called when he got home from school today at 3:00. He said my AH was sleeping & my son retrieved the messages from my daughter to her dad off the phone. Sleeping! Can you believe that. No wonder he stays up 1/2 the night. He sleeps all damn day. He will never get my house repairs done by the Sunday deadline.
AND I am going to that lawyer meeting on Friday. I am going to get my options layed out & going to get paperwork squared away for a separation. Then the very next time he disappears I will have those papers waiting for him to sign upon his return. Yea yea - that is what I'll do. PRAY FOR MY STRENGTH TO CARRY THROUGH!!
Good Job finding a person to fix the air handler and other things around the house. My A knows the things that need to get done, but he doesn't take the initiative to get out there and do it. Small things he's good at. I'm becoming a handy person myself and it feels good that I don't have to wait on him or be at his mercy of time.
I think keeping all your options on the forefront of your mind is a good idea. When I was seperated from my A I had my meeting with the attorney to get a realistic view of what we could petition the courts for. I'm glad I kept it to myself because it turned out I never used the attorney. I didn't plan on ever having the feeling of wanting to reconcile. At least I know now what my options are and how much it will cost me to file paperwork and court fees. Hang in there.
Hugs,
Twinmom~
__________________
"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
as to what I should be doing. I haven't told him about the lawyer meeting - I don't want him to add stress to the situation. I am going to go in there & see what is what before I say anything to him. I had already told him that I was planning on getting a divorce but I think he thinks I have decided not to go through with it. I had only delayed it. 
I guess I have just been waiting for him to disappear again to prove to myself that it is the right choice - filing for divorce.