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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> emotional sobriety - ODAT
Post Info TOPIC: emotional sobriety - ODAT
confused


Senior Member

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emotional sobriety - ODAT
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Not really sure where I am today.  Sometimes I am so sure that I want to reconcile with my AH and then fear kicks in.  I have had some great awarenesses lately...


My AH is a good man, he is a supportive husband.  ==  I can think back over the years all the times he told me that I was good at something, that I could take a new position at work, to go for it, that he knew I could do it. 


My AH loves me, the lies, the deception, the manipulation are the disease, not the man that loves me.  I must separate the two.  Give them their own spaces and try not to see it as one.


Many of the things that dragged us down during the "dry" years are actually manageable if I put the program to use in my life.  I have choices and responsibilities. 


My AH is truly a sick man, who, when the disease takes over is not recognizable as the same person.  He becomes someone that he doesn't even like to be with, so why beat myself up if I do not want to be with him then. 


My AH did not choose this disease, who would?  Who would choose to do the one thing that they know will lead to their death?  A healthy person?  Absolutely not. 


I am a person who is deeply affected by this disease.  I have lived with it for 36 years, everyone that I have been here... and when I went to my first f2f I looked around the room and thought, "OMG, these women could almost all be my mother. I have nothing in common with them.  Am I going to be sitting in a church basement when I am their age? I am doomed!"  Well, I am changing my thinking.  This disease has had run of my life for far to long and if I am not in those rooms it will continue to win.  I deserve a healthy life, I deserve a happy life.  The way to get that is with the help of the program.


I have a choice, to live in insanity 24/7 or to work a program.  Sure, I will find myself in a church basement or two - lol - but what is the alternative?  My own private hell, I'll take the church basement, thank you very much.


So for today, I will keep coming, I will make a commitment to me, I will work my program to the best of my ability, I will reach out for help if I need it.  For today, I will have emotional sobriety thanks to Al-anon.


 


Lynn


 



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jrtjosey


~*Service Worker*~

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Lynn I can completely relate.  I have more compassion for my AH since our seperation than I did living with him.  I know he is ill, I know he doesn't wake up everyday and say I am going to try to make my family miserable.  I find myself now at 2 months away from him filled with compassion for him. 


I still know I can't fix or control him.  I don't think he even cares anymore about me.  He took his ring off the day I left, like it was a burden lifted or a freedom achieved. 


So I too strive for ODAT, everyday.


Josey



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Julianne - It's best to move on. You cannot look back in anger in life. It's too short
kent_s


Veteran Member

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You don't sound so Confused to me. But I believe you when you say, "I am a person who is deeply affected by this disease." You're experiences sound very familiar to me. Although my marriage (strangely?) seems rock solid, I am often not sure of where I am at. (The Steps can have that effect on me - as you get to know yourself better, who is this person?)

"Emotional sobriety", I have to meditate on that. That is a very interesting phrase for today.

Here is something I'd like to share. It's a very interesting article from Mothering magazine (it came up accidentally in Google today from a typo).

Thank you, Barbara!

One day at a time, yes indeed.

-K

-- Edited by kent_s at 19:03, 2006-05-24

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Lighten up or else!
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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> emotional sobriety - ODAT