The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
After today Sunday May 21, 2006 it’s pretty clear there isn’t a chance in hell for us.
The words I remember last were “you don’t know what do anymore you don’t respect the boundaries I set or the boundaries you’ve set” and my patience is running pretty thin now”
I never wanted to upset you! I’m grateful for the patience and the kindness you have shown/given me. At this time I don’t think there isn’t anything I can say that will smooth things over and that’s all I’ve been trying to do.
Each time we speak I lose it. What I’ve been trying to say and do seems so simple but it gets more and more detrimental this was never my goal. Please believe me Michael. That’s when I become upset, hysterical, terrified leads to panic and more hysteria and no self control. This isn’t your fault I just panic and make very bad choices. I’ve only been trying to say the following.
Sometimes I just need a little comfort, reassurance, example; things are going to be okay, don’t worry
Sometimes I just need words of encouragement example; you can count on me or you can do it I know you can.
Sometimes I just need you to hold me example; just for a minute it makes me feel safe
Sometimes I just want to be part of your life example; even if it’s just for a day because I enjoy our time with each other.
I don’t think this is what you hear when I talk and I’m just trying to salvage what I can by writing my thoughts down. This is all I’ve been trying to say.
I know you’re having a tuff time with work, sobriety and the all that is involved with the program. It’s terrifying for me losing you. I’m having difficulty understanding the whole process, when my thoughts seem so simple.
You say it’s been bad for 3 years, I don’t think that’s fair to us. I never you knew you had a drinking problem and I thought that you were either to sick or upset to see me. You always said you didn’t feel good that you had stomach ache. It was easy for me to assume the problem was me and that perhaps you didn’t like me and every time we fought I was trying to get you to say just that. “I don’t like you that’s why I don’t want to see you”. I didn’t know about the drinking.
I didn’t understand your alcoholism and the how it made you feel. I only knew here is this guy that comes from a great family is catholic and believes in God and is a nice .That is what I was looking for exactly that nothing more. I didn’t matter to me if he was rich or poor, the fact he came from a good family and loved is parents was enough for me.
But since your sobriety things are changing and it’s scary and if I can assume scary for both of us, and what I want between us seems so simple. I don’t know how it’s evolved to this. I don’t want this just has much as you don’t.
I can relate so fully, and wish that I could take away your pain..but only a HP can do that. I just want you to know that you are not alone. The heartache feels unbearable...you feel desperate.....but there is a purpose for this, and a purpose for you....God's will not ours..HE doesn't give us anything we can't handle.
Keep posting, keep reading, keep taking care of you.
We discover ourselves in our relationships. "what I want between us seems so simple", but nonetheless it has a shopping list quality. Maybe I've misread your note.
If you go into a relationship determined to get what you want, you not only reduce all the possibilities of finding out what someone else has yet to discover about themselves, you also ignore the possibility that you will discover important things about yourself with this person. Relationships are dynamic, unwritten, full of choices and mistakes and retries.
Be kind to yourself, be gentle with yourself. Get yourself out of this pressure cooker state-of-mind and give yourself some time and space to feel what you feel. Let it change you, like a catapillar to a butterfly, like a snake sheds its skin, and then see what you can do with others.
Well tho i don't quite understand who your post is to , here is my take . Sobriety is not easy for anyone we all have to change not just the alcoholic. Sobriety is literally life and death for the A in our lives. To me the b est way to support our partners is to get our own program and change what we can . US and our attitudes.
Early sobriety I loving refer to as Stark Raving Sober ! takes awhile to be able to put a sane thought together . and the changes u speak of are unsetling but still beat drunk any day . One day at a time you have no idea where recovery will take you. Please don't make any life altering decissions until you have been in program for awhile.
I personally felt I owed it to myself and my husb to work this program to the best of my abiltiy for 6 months and if there were no positive changes I would leave my marriage. I know our situations area ll diff and soemtimes it's just not possible to repair our relationships but working this prog is a win win situation i get happy regardless of wether we m ake it or not.
You say that neither of you want what is happening , Great if you both want the same thing anything is possible. Leave him to God and AA and let Al-Anon and God take care of you One day at a time.
We have 17 yrs of sobriety in our home and alot has changed , the only thing I know for sure is that none of this would have been possible had I not decided to look after me and allow him the dignity to live or die the way he chose . It is the hardest thing i have ever done in my life but one of the m ost important and life altering experiences - I no longer look to him to make me happy that is my job , he is an important part of my life and is a bonus . but I have learned that happiness is an inside job two happy individuals have a better change of making a life to gether , Just my opinion. Neither of our programs promises to save marriages but they do promise to return us to sanity , Louise
