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It's been a tough week for us. I almost forced A to leave on Wednesday because he's drinking more so than usual. But I walked away for a few hours and comforted a friend instead. We both kept each other from crying. A was going to away for a few days to see his kids yesterday. But his foot (has metal plates in his feet and legs, etc.) locked up on him and there was no way he could drive. He spent the day in bed and was sober.
Today he still couldn't get out of bed, so I went to work. Called him and he said that he couldn't make it to pick up prescription. So I ran around like crazy after work, and when I came home I knew he had been drinking. The house was trashed and I was at my limit. He had been drinking and I lost it. However I couldn't let him drink and drive, and risk him hurting another human being. I told him that if he got in the car I would call the police. I would have. I found the bottle and poured it out. I know I shouldn't have, but the sight of it just makes me sick. Later we were talking and he was wired (he takes Vivarin so he can stay awake and drink more), and asked me if I threw it out. I said yes. He said that he was going to get another, and I said then don't come back. Get your stuff together and leave. He asked if he could get a bottle and then come back and get his stuff. The store closes in 15 minutes. Do I care? I finally said yes, but he wasn't to bring it in the house while he got his stuff together. So I watched him pack things, and even helped carry things to the car.
Now he's gone to a motel up the road. Bottle and things in hand. I made him leave his house keys. I did tell him that I love him, and hope he finds his sobriety. I do love him very much, but I can't risk loosing my life to his disease. I'm coming down with a cold, and work is just awful right now. The added stress of him being active again, I can't handle. I'm pretty numb. But am looking foward to some peace and quiet. I'm not going to make any long term decisions yet. I do believe that he loves me, but he can't get sober for me, it has to be for him. My gut tells me his spiraling and there's nothing I can do about it. My heart is breaking in a thousand pieces. He'll never know the depth of my love I have for him.
I pray to God that he finds his peace and sobriety. But I also pray to God for me to find mine. I don't think I would have found the courage to do this, if I hadn't found my family here. I could certainly use some prayers and hugs. I know you all love me and that will help through.
Love and blessings to my family here.
Trying to Live strong, Karilynn
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
(((((Kariynn)))) One Day at a Time. ((BiGHUG))) i'm so sorry your going through this. your in my prayers. so sorry that you're feeling ill. I try to drink atleast 2-3 oz. (small cup) of orange juice to boost my immune system in the morning for a few days...or eat an orange as a snack ... till I begin to feel better. (for vitamin c) I put a nice fresh pillowcase on my pillow. change out my toothbrush even if I just did....lol. couple of ritual things i do that helps me (fight off a cold.) also to fight off stress. at the first sign that I'm getting down.... if my immune system seems to be getting hit from stress and lack of sleep. theres nothing like a nice fresh fluffed pillow to lay your head down and some classical music on real low... I think and say to myself of the serenity & *the lords prayer as I drift off to sleep.... magic. (something that works for me...lol) love you karilynn.
You can take care of You. And let HP take care of those things that you cant control, didnt cause and cannot cure.
I just have to give in and feel the want to let it then do it. Then I do..... Turn It Over.
((((((karilyn)))) first of all I want to say my heart goes out to you. I know how hard it was for you to make this decision, however , you did give him a choice, and unfortunately this disease seems to win in most situations. All of the above I concur with especially taking care of yourself , and mostly keep in touch with alanon friends in these trying times. I know for myself when my husband of 30 years walked out, if it hadnt been for my alanon friends , I really can say I wouldnt be here 3 years later. This program and fellowship keeps us on the straight and narrow, keeping the focus on ourselves, getting ourselves healthy. God knows I am far from perfect, but this program has been my saving grace to say the least. Knowing that you dont have to go through this alone is such a gift, and we who understand , whereas so many others dont , in this chaotic life of alcoholism. So many people here can share their ESH, and I hope you are attending face to face meetings as well. You need all you can get at this time. Take care of YOU, one day at a time.
Wish I could reach out and give you a cuddle. I am so sorry that your hope was shattered in this way. I know you will be feeling very numb and questioning all your decisions. The right answer is was this the best thing for me? Snuggle up to Piper and I will pray for you tonight. LUv Leo xxx
Stay strong. Living with an active alcoholic is too much for most of us. The bad behaviours associated with using tear our lives apart.
The strength and depth and power of the disease of alcoholism is horrible. It tricks the person into an altered reality where they are obsessed physically and mentally with alcohol.
Please remember that your husband has a HP also and that you cannot be it.
I am proud of you for being able to protect yourself and do this.
ODAT. Just for today take care of you. Maybe take a piper day.
Go ahead and cry. You love him and he loves you and today is tough.
Be gentle with yourself my friend.
Megan
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Megan
If you want things you never had you need to do things you have never done
((((Kari))))) How I hate this for you. You were always so kind and understanding to me. Remember what a mess I was when I first came here? Boy, I do. And, I still have days like that, just not so often.
I remember you told me I don't have to quit loving him because he's not here. I remember you told me that he still loved me, but the disease doesn't want him to. I remember you told me to take care of myself, and one day at a time. You taught me well, Kari. It is so hard to take when it is someone we care so much about, as I know you love your husband. And he loves you. But he is sick. Remember the 3 c's. You didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it.
You have such a good and kind heart, Kari. You gave me the path I needed to follow. We do not know what tomorrow will bring. Give Pipers a hug from me. She needs you, too.
While husband is gone, do something nice for you. Rest, and let your mind and body heal. I think when my husband was gone, that maybe HP's plan was for that to happen to I would have time to heal and rest.
You have so much to offer, Kari. Your sense of humor and your caring ways shine through my monitor!
Hang in there. You have done all you can do for hubby. It's up to him. Remember to take care of you. What is good for you, is good for the alcoholic.
Lots of thoughts and prayers sent to you dear. You are strong and a survior. Please be easy with you I wish I knew what more to say to comfort you (((((hugs)))))
Just read the post. I am so sorry to hear it. I know living with an Active A is very hard sometimes more than we can handle. I shall pray for you both.
One Day at a Time. ((BiGHUG))) i'm so sorry your going through this. your in my prayers. so sorry that you're feeling ill. 
I try to drink atleast 2-3 oz. (small cup) of orange juice to boost my immune system in the morning for a few days...or eat an orange as a snack ... till I begin to feel better. (for vitamin c) I put a nice fresh pillowcase on my pillow. change out my toothbrush even if I just did....lol. couple of ritual things i do that helps me (fight off a cold.) also to fight off stress. at the first sign that I'm getting down.... if my immune system seems to be getting hit from stress and lack of sleep. theres nothing like a nice fresh fluffed pillow to lay your head down and some classical music on real low... I think and say to myself of the serenity & *the lords prayer as I drift off to sleep.... magic. (something that works for me...lol) love you karilynn. 
You can take care of You. And let HP take care of those things that you cant control, didnt cause and cannot cure. 
Hug)))) 
MrBlue42