The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I wrote a letter to my husband today. I don't know that I will give it to him, but the message is heartfelt, and writing makes my head clearer....Thought I would share with those of you who feel the same way........
H,
I think it is important for me to share with you a few of my thoughts as i go through my own emotional process. Writing it down is best for me, because after 13 yrs of marriage to you, I know what would happen. If i tried to speak to you, looking into those clear beautiful eyes, i would melt down and sob. Why, I believe you know.
Of anything, and above anything, I love you. I will always love you. You have been, BY FAR the most important human being to me in my life. I will never have a deeper connection to another human being as I have with you, the father of my children, and the man i married.
I hope that you understand what i mean when i say that you and i are not so different. We are both in the same situation, and share the same struggle. We have both lived our lives to this point in a very unhealthy way. Loving something or someone that/who is toxic to ourselves. The struggle to give up that which you truly love in order to save ourselves, is the worst kind of turmoil, but one that i believe is the decision that provides the most miraculous results.
I wish that it didn't have to be this way. I wish that we both could have lived our life together loving each other, growing stronger, and nurturing the family that we created together--side by side. Neither of us were able to, and that is the tragic truth. My biggest challenge is and will be letting go of my fantasies, expectations, and control.
I want you to know that I want you to be happy. I want that for you more than anything i can think of. You are a spectacular man with so much to offer. That happiness may not be with me, but i hope you find it and hang on to it, because the man i love deserves it.
Be healthy, be strong, and be safe. You have children who love you, and a woman who wishes for you to be in her life. A family exists that needs you, and counts on you more than anyone else in this world.
You are always in my thoughts, and I am a friend and THE biggest fan in your cheering section.
everything you said is so true and i understand, just look at the picture i picked for myself, i write to keep my sanity. but its true sometimes we have to write it out because were not ready to say it out loud. keep writing those letters its how you feel, its your truth, and theres healing in that. i'm new to this, but i always wrote my feelings, no one ever got to see it but it was how i felt. and that matters too. if you gave it to your husband good, if you didnt its still good you got it out even if on paper, you let it go. i write all the time and no one sees but at least i get it out, and thats healing. thats how i survived for so long and my partner always told me i was dumb for it cuz she never got the letter. but i was able to say my peace. there really is healing in that even if no on hears or reads it. its how you felt, and that is important. i always burn it because i dont want to hurt anyone, but i know i got it out, and thats what i needed. its kept me alive for 5 years, and sometimes you just got to let it out, but really sometimes no one but you has to hear it. if you are willing to take the step and give him the letter, then good for you, but either way at least you know you got it out, and have peace in that!
im new and i always write my feelings, i have diarys and journals its just a way to say something you mean and mean what you say without being mean, and the paper hears you, and no one hurts in it, and you got it out. just keep writing its healthy. your husband doesnt have to read it for you to know you wrote it and ment it. its just a release. and its very healthy.
I too wrote a letter to my husband, a letter that my sponsor had asked me to write to put all my feelings down, on my own accord, I chose to give the letter to my A hubby...... When he read it he said he did not know that I had those feelings, he did not apologyze (which I wanted him to) and began to justify many of his behaviors...... did it change anything? Not really, but it opened the channels of communication......
My A hubby, has gotten better, not a lot, but a little bit...... and since writing it and handing it over to my hubby I feel less weight on my shoulders..... but this is just me........
What a beautiful letter! Thank you for sharing it. It does sum up what probably many of us feel toward our a. I could feel all the love there! Your husband is lucky to have such a wonderful caring person in his life.
