Good morning everyone:

Todays reading is about how through the help of the alanon program those who are affected by alcoholism can learn to open up and not feel the need to stay guarded with emotions and feelings.  The writer describes growing up and feeling unsure and afraid much of the time.  The writer learned to hide feelings; keeping secrets became a way to feel safe.  At the suggestion of a friend the writer went to an alanon meeting where he/she was thrilled to hear people clearly and directly express their feelings. The writer learned that keeping secrets is a common effect of alcoholism.

In my experience, keeping things secret can be about believing that I should be able to handle the business of my life without the help of other people, that no one else should have to hear about problems that Im having. Sometimes I think the defense mechanism embedded in keeping secrets is that its a way NOT to acknowledge whatever issues there might be.  Another exercise in denial: everything is fine as long as things are kept quiet. I remember many years ago someone close to me learning about something I had dealt with, saying: why didnt you tell me? The answer for me was I did not want to give the situation any weight or validation, keeping it secret kept it less important.  Like the writer, hearing others share freely here and at meetings has helped me see the strength and healing in opening up. 

From Paths to Recovery (p.204): In Al-Anon we find something available nowhere else-a community of people who share many of the same life experiences we have had and who understand as perhaps no one else can.

I hope everyone enjoys a peaceful Sunday.

Mary