The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have mentioned on these boards that I have a food addiction (btw...wish they had a board for that in MIP)
Last night while I was eating a piece of cake my dh casually made a remark to me. It went like this..."I don't know how you expect to lose any weight eating those kinds of things"
Well....I was furious!!!! Now, I know that dh thinks that he is helping me when he says those kinds of things. I had to set him straight...in not so nice a way. I, of course, blew up. Usually I would be more hurt but for some reason this time I was just plain angry. "How dare he?" This is a man who would like to quit smoking but has never been able to make it more than a few hours without a cigarette. This is also a man who has diabetes, takes medication for it and continues to eat things he should not eat.
Well...I went to my room and stayed there the whole night. It gave me an opportunity to see that me saying things to my A son about his drinking or any of his defects caused by his drinking did nothing but p--- him off.
I guess it was a well learned lesson for me. It did put things into perspective.
However, I did have to tell dh this morning that his remark did not help me in any way. All it did was make me angry and cause us to not spend an evening together. I also told him that all the remarks in the world from him or anyone else was going to keep me from eating. The only thing it would do was to cause me to eat in secred if I could not feel safe to do it with him.
Today I am grateful that I can see where my A is and I can have much compassion for him. That is not to say that I do not have to take care of me because ultimately that is what will make me healthy with my addiction to food.
That's great that you recognized this for yourself. I struggle myself when my A makes comments like that. I realized that I knew I wasn't giving exercise or me time enough attention and I was more angry with myself than him. However, as I kindly said, I don't ask you to stop drinking and smoking anymore do I? All it did was create friction between us and he drank and did stupid things while drinking even more just to prove a point that I had no control over him. Funny how we can apply those feelings to any problem or addiction in our lives. Thanks for helping me think of this today, I have been slacking on my exercise, need to bring it in the pocket. Have a great day.
Twinmom~
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"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
You know Tipper...that is a good question. I have never asked him to go and he has never shown any interest in going. I guess I have always felt that he does not react to the A the way I do. He never worries or obsesses the way I do. Our A son's drinking does not consume his life the way it has mine. However, I do not think he really feels like it is something that cannot be controlled by the A if he really wanted to stop drinking. Same with my eating. Our A son is from my first marriage. His father was an A. My father was an A. The weird thing about it is my now husband of 30 some years...his father and mother were both A. By the Grace of God, he is not an A. He thinks that he had control over not becoming an A. I do not believe that. He said he told himself early on that he would not turn out to be like his father. I do not think that is possible if you truly are an A. If that was the case then wouldn't he tell himself that he wasn't going to smoke anymore because his mother died from lung cancer?
I hope I can get a little insight on what others think about this.
