The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
i have one person i work with who is trying to make everyone feel good ... so that just when we get a decision and a plan, this person, who has some authority over the group, then says something that obfuscates the whole plan ... and so no one does anything, and we are back to chaos. of course i could (try) jump in and rescue the situation, ..... but detachment seems to be a better choice.
i have another person with whom i must work on a particular project, and this person has potential to be great at this project ... one day we meet and it is like we are on the same wave length, come up with how to proceed, etc. Next day it is like, no eye contact, has to go here or there quickly or abruptly in a way that feels more like a way to control the situation rather than actually having a schedule change, --- can't communicate, a communication shut down. So, each time we talk it is like, "Gee, which personality am I with today?" cuz if it's the uncommunicative personality, i'm learning not to waste my effort/time.
Interestingly, i was just -- (after I had typed the above) -- talking to a colleague who comes to the office on only an occasional basis. We were talking about something completely unrelated, when she started talking about this group I work with. I didn't want to get pulled into office gossip, so I kept trying to veer away from her conversation. But she was on a roll. She summed up saying, "yeah, they're great as individuals, but you'd think they all had had a drink before they get together to make decisions." I swear ... these were exact words....
and these decisions .... this occasional colleague is right .... this relates to my serenity challenged day yesterday. they make these decisions that have these bad consequences (to say the least) and they keep wanting to push the consequences for these decisions over to my plate ... and I keep pushing it back to their side of the table. and we go back and forth. and i spend so much of my time just setting and enforcing boundaries so i don't have to do perpetual clean up based on their decisions. chaos. and just when we get clear lines of communication, one of them seems to find some way of bringing the group something chaotic to deal with.
communication patterns .... decision-making patterns ... it is like it is everywhere.
It is everywhere. At work, in churches, anywhere you get a group of people together.
Often I am finding(and this is just my experience) that my partner blames all of the idiosyncracies our AH has on the disease. I have come to realize recently that not all of that is true. The disease exacerbates it for sure but some of that stuff is just who she is so makes it a very hard pill for her mom to swallow.
Sounds like you are doing a great job of setting boundaries. No one said it would ever be easy but at least the only messes you'll be fixing will be your own.
Thanks for the reminder that human is human
Yours in al-anon,
annie
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Two things: 1. Recovery is a process, not an event.....and.... 2. You only get to go around once. Leave em laughing and make it worth your while
