The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I went to his house today at noon to pick up my things...he said he does not want things to end he just wants them to slow way way down....to what? I asked if our relationship should be where we make plans to drive down the same street at the same time and wave to one another, he said "Yeah!" and laughed...I didnt find his response amusing.
Last night, I caved, I screamed unitelligable things at him
"You dont want my love, you dont deserve my love and guess what? You're right!" that does not even make sense I know...pathetic angry heartaching babble.
I am supposed to go to his house again today at 2:00 and then we are supposed to talk, I am betting a cool million when I get there, he will have made his escape.
In my heart I want desperately for things to work out, he says he does love me, but I feel weak and foolish for hanging on to maybe's.
He told me on the phone Monday I am "so needy and desperate" and you know what, he is right.
The alcohol is like the demon that possesses a good person, he is powerless against the evil it holds over him.
My brain is scrambled and my heart and mind are destroyed. I am not even all human right now, I am a thing that is banking on nothing.
I need so much from him and know to expect nothing....it kills me.
HONESTLY.... I am hoping he will confess his ulitmate love for me, tell me he wants me and will do anything to hold on to me, assure me that we will be OK and mean it, that he is going to do whatever it takes to make us work....
What need does this man fulfill for you? How does he nurture or foster this deep love you have for him?
I found, for myself, that I gravitated toward men that would provide an opportunity for turmoil. It was exciting and also something that I had become accomstomed to, so it was familiar. I think I was living out a romance novel. But that life has just been pure fiction for me.
wow jen, you sound like me 2 years ago when i first joined alanon. i tried soo hard to make it work with my A, all he would have to do was say, i'm sorry baby, i love you, it'd be good for 1/2 day (literally) and the rest of week was awful, up and down, crazy land.
i had to stop expecting something he could not give me (because i had needs he could not fulfill) i had to detach from him and learn that my reaction to him was making me sick. i too was called needy and miserable...god, i hated that! he was so wrong about me, they just want to keep you down so they can walk all over you. i also had to stop going back and forth. just know you are right where you're supposed to be, be patient and kind to yourself, get to lots of meetings and find a sponsor!!!
My prayers are with you during this trying time. So glad you shared.
For me, it took focusing some of this beautiful energy you have on you. My personal aspirations, goals and expectations.. hopes.... are much stronger I feel stronger now that they are aimed towards my own personal inner peace. Inner growth.
You will always have You. You will always have your Higher Power. You have us too. People that care and understand like others may not. We are powerless, our lives are unmanageable because we are affected by someone we care about that is drinking or has a drinking problem. The program...its great literature....most of all... the wonderful steps of the program helped me to understand what I need for my inner self a stronger spiritual inner peace, *self love. Once it came to light....I allowed my self due respect. I gave myself that. I started from inside. It began with Me.
" Let it Begin with Me."
((BiGHUG)) Keep Looking uP! Keep Coming Back So Glad your Here!!
People that care and understand like others may not. We are powerless, our lives are unmanageable because we are affected by someone we care about that is drinking or has a drinking problem. 
The program...its great literature....most of all... the wonderful steps of the program helped me to understand what I need for my inner self a stronger spiritual inner peace, *self love.
Once it came to light..
..I allowed my self due respect. I gave myself that. I started from inside. It began with Me. 
