It's so hard to focus on my problems. I think that in some way I had chosen an A to marry because I wanted a "fixer-upper" project. It sure is easier to look at someone else's problem than to look at my own. If I didn't have problems, I would be happier. But my spiritual immaturity keep me focusedon how others have wronged me or hurt me, or are wrong in general. Whoever decided that I was judge? The Lord's prayer that we say at all the meetings is telling. We ask God to forgive us the same way we forgive others. If we harbor resentment, won't God harbor resentment against us too? If we are loving and accepting and forgiving, will God love, accept, and forgive us the same way? I think so. I think I get what I put into it. If I focus on my pain, I will feel hurt. If I focus on my anger, Iwill feel angry. If I focus on love, I will feel loved. If I focus on forgiveness, I will feel peace. It's hard though. I find it very, very hard. This isn't my pattern. My anger had been what kept me alive for a very long time. It was my survival and I was a fighter. But I want more than to survive. I want to live and be happy, joyous, and free. I have never done that. I have a problem, and the problem is me. It's so hard to think about my own problems. I'd much rather fix someone else's problem. That's easy. I talked with my husband last night and admitted some of my fears and character defects that I feel about myself. He is in AA too. Thank GOD! So I said if he wanted to talk about himself and his feelings that was fine. But I wasn't talking to him to find out his assessment of me. I was talking with him because he was my confidant. That I wanted to talk about our feelings. That the focus was to stay with ourself and not the other person if we were to have a productive talk, otherwise I couldn't participate in the discussion. I didn't say this but...I am not prepared to have him gripe at me and he ceratinly isn't prepared to hear my gripes that I have about him. I talked and opened up about my character defects. It took all that my husband had to not jump on that train. He would start in and I would say, "please, let's keep the focus on ourselves. Was there something you wanted to say about your feelings?" We talked and we it didn't turn into a fight. It was nice. I think this is the first time EVER we have been able to talk about poor behavior (on our own part of course) and hurt feelings (I feel _________, not YOU made me feel __________) without it turning into a fight!!! Slight shifts in the conversation made ALL the difference in the world!