Al-Anon Family Group

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Post Info TOPIC: Courage to Change April 5

~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 1089
Courage to Change April 5

Hello MIP! 

In today's reading, the author shares about new challenges we face when a loved one finds sobriety. 

Many of us have spent years waiting for our loved ones to find sobriety, and may have created happily-ever-after endings that would happen when our loved one found sobriety. Not only does this happily-ever-after not occur, but our predictability is gone - our newly sober loved one changes and we can no longer count on their prior patterns and behavior. Communication, intimacy, sex, responsibilities, and decision-making all change. And, even so, problems we might have attributed to drinking might persist, even though the drinking has stopped. 

Many Al-Anon members feel disappointed, skeptical, resentful, joyous, excited, and confused about these circumstances, and all these emotions are ok. When we accept our emotions and share about them with another Al-Anon member, we are better able to take care of ourselves. 

Today's Reminder: I will allow myself the dignity to discover exactly how I feel about the changes that are happening today, and I will share those feelings with an Al-Anon friend. 

Today's Quote: "Al-Anon gave me the awareness that what I felt did matter." ...In All Our Affairs 


When my wife stopped drinking, I thought a lot of things would change. I also didn't know how to handle situations, because she reacted to things very differently than she had n the past. After keeping such tight control on things for a long time, I didn't know how to handle not doing that. 

Over the years, I've shared with many Al-Anon friends and have found ways to navigate my feelings. Turns out, my wife still has a temper, still expresses frustration in a loud and explosive way, and still doesn't deal with money well. All these things I've had to learn to navigate in a new way. Being willing to notice and name my emotions and share about them have been key to me deciding what to do about different situations. 




If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu

Senior Member

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Posts: 438

Good Morning. Thank you for your service and ESH. I am feeling disappointed in myself these days. Some of my decisions and actions were based on a belief that as a couple, we were on a path to healing. By chance (or grace), important facts came to light that revealed I was wrong. The reading states that long-term members go back to the basics of the program to learn once more to focus on ourselves. I am grateful for the opportunity to change my thinking and trust that strength/guidance will be given to navigate challenging circumstances.


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 2672

Thanks Skorpi for your service and all above ESH. I have waited years for my loved one to get sober....still waiting. If that ever happens, I understand that no marriage is perfect, so there would still be problems, perhaps some different and some the same. In the meantime I lean into this program for the help and support I need. Easy does it, ODAT.



~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 915

Thank you Skorpi for me as well and to you, Daffodils and Lyne for everyone's ESH.

I echo Lyne, there has been no indication that my spouse will be getting sober anytime soon.

Al-Anon, MIP and HP will continue to be my go to for understanding and guidance. Grateful!!


"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it

does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown


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