The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Maddening: trying to communicate ideas with an alcohol induced person who defies reason, logic, tears, or pleadings. Even less comprehended for both sides are exchanges that involve anger.
Today's reading further encourages us to consider an exchange with someone we don't share a common language with. Neither will successfully convey their message.
Reminder:In such a helpless situation, it is exactly the moment NOT to act or deliver the speech. It is time to Let Go, Let God, a time for silence...not in a defiant angry way, or in self pity.
"Many things must though pass by with a deaf ear, and think rather of the things that are for thy peace. It is more profitable to turn away thine eyes from such things as displease thee than to be a slave to contention." - Thomas a Kempis -------------------- This point is pretty straightforward, yet it took me quite a while in Alanon before I could consistently recognize and avoid my efforts to force communication with the alcoholic.
It turns out that there are situations where this counsel is applicable on a regular basis in my life today, but I seem to have temporarily forgotten this lesson.
As I read and ponder, I am trying to control the direction and outcome of the discussion just as I did in early days with the drinker. It should be no surprise to me that my efforts are just as futile.
My focus needs to be on saying what I need to, and then Letting Go and Letting God...grateful for the reminder
__________________
Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
Phew, I really needed this today. I am so easily frustrated by conversations with the A's in my life. I just recently spent hours...and hours just trying to get one of them to even comprehend what I was saying and to acknowledge that they comprehended. And I ended up spiraling way down. It made me feel like I was so insignificant and not even worthy of being seen or heard. And they still didn't comprehend.
I realize now I could have saved myself all that anger,hurt and pain just by choosing to not try to have a discussion at that time. It honestly wasn't even that important anyway and just felt like it was at the time. I could have spent all that time doing something I enjoyed and something relaxing instead.
It seems so simple,just don't engage when I already know how it's gonna go. But not so easy to do at times. Live and learn though,right?
Thanks Paul for your service and for all above ESH. It's taken years for me to put those principles into action. It's a simple concept and makes sense to me. But in dealing with my A, who is clearly self-destructive in many ways, it's been very difficult to let go and let God, and live and let live. But over time I've come to see that denial is almost impossible to break. So most of the time now, I either say what I mean, mean what I say, and not say it meanly, or just choose to keep quiet. Why waste my time and energy? I often say, bless them, change me. :)
Thank you Paul for your service and everyone 's shares. I definitely needed all the wisdom shared. Presently I'm dealing with someone who believes they are cured. A miracle stopped me from diving into a deep discussion over it . Experience has taught me that I would lose trying to prove that one plus one does not equal five.
Excercising patience, empathy and compassion have kept me grounded. The focus has been quieting the disturbance within me and carrying on with my business without walking on eggshells or sneaking a suggestion/solution. Grateful for MIP.
