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Post Info TOPIC: Courage to Change Feb. 22

~*Service Worker*~

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Courage to Change Feb. 22

Hello MIP! 

In today's reading, the author reflects on decision making. 

In the past, their desire to make decisions that got them exactly what they wanted prevented them from making decisions at all. In Al-Anon, the author learned that we can never know the outcomes of our decisions, we can only use information at hand to make the best decision we can. 

We can also turn to a higher power for help when making decisions, and listen for our Higher Power's wisdom through the shares of others. The author now understands that it is their responsibility to make decisions wisely, but that the outcomes of those decisions are in the hands of a higher power. 

Today's Reminder: With the help of a Higher Power, decision-making can be one of life's great advantages. Each crossroad brings a new challenge, and I am capable of dealing with whatever comes my way. 

Today's Quote: "When I used to make specific requests [of God] I was so busy waiting for them to be granted that I didn't realize the answers were staring me in the face." As We Understood....


Decision making is something I struggle with at times. Sometimes it seems that there are only bad choices available. I've found that practicing the pause and not forcing decisions helps me to make decisions more confidently. When the time is right, I know what the right decision for me is. 



If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu

~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 787

Thank you Skorpi for your service today and this reminder that decision making with

a preconceived outcome in mind may not be what our HP sees in our best interest and

that "pausing" before making rash decisions or at a time of confusion, would be in our

best interest. I found that the 6 month rule for making a decision as to whether one

should stay or leave a partner/spouse to be extremely valuable. In other important

decisions there is always that time element if I have other people or things to consider

that would be affected by my decisions. Each time it is different, but HP is always

there to guide me.


"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it

does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown


Senior Member

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Posts: 335

Thanks Skorpi for the reading and to you and DM for you shares. When I was a newcomer to the program I had heard my best thinking got me here. My personal inventory revealed my happiness was predicated on acceptance by others. It was a form of dependency borne of fear of being abandoned. This desperate need caused me to give my personal power to make my own choices. I attracted people who would tell me what to do. In fact, full disclosure - I would seek them out. Whether these were controllers within my family or outside of family, my trust, confidence and self worth was so low at the time, I perceived controlling people as self sufficient, mature, successful. all knowing people who seemed to have all the answers. I hadn't learned the difference between self absorption and self confidence. Having not done the inside job concerning myself, I was drawn to grandiose people who seemingly had an answer for any decision needing to be made. Additionally the active alcoholics in my life as well as others affected by alcoholism grew their all knowing reputations by telling me how inferior my own thinking or actions were as compared to their own. Today, I understand much more about what was going on then. This was of course hostage taking. And although I can fault the other, I do recognize because of Al-anon recovery, that I was a willing volunteer. Before recovery, I believed faulty messages, didn't trust my own thinking, my ability to make decisions or handle the outcome. I had a higher power to turn to but that higher power I believed had failed me. My life seemed awful. Therefore, I placed my trust elsewhere. I placed my trust in other imperfect and equally unhealthy human beings whose love was conditioned.

I am someone who came into Al-anon kicking and screaming, angry to be here. I believed drinkers needed recovery but I was just "fine." The alcoholic wraps their hands around the bottle and we wrap our hands around the alcoholic I told. I could see how the statement applied to me in so many ways I had never considered. You may remember an old movie where the female tells her love interest "You complete me." Quite an expectation of another human being and one for which I've tried to make amends through changed behavior since recovery.

Rather than turn to anyone else with such an expectation, I use the Serenity Prayer now and understand that all of my decisions are a team effort between myself and a higher power that loves me unconditionally. When fearful, I can express it to others, gain more perspective but not impose responsibility on them to make decisions for me. I've learned to trust my gut when a choice needs to be made in the moment. I choose what feels right and hope for the best. If my loving hp brings me to it, my loving hp will see me through it. I'm still here to talk about it, right? ;) Mostly, I'm grateful to have learned the value of others opinions, others ways of doing things and knowing it's my responsibility to choose what feels right for me. I've learned that when I am true to a healthier self, I attract others who are self actualized as well.  My Al-anon meetings continue to show me how we can all have a voice, a say in decision making for the good of the group as a whole, rather than dominance of any one voice. This is also a very important concept for me. Today, my faith sustains me and my trust has grown in myself as a result of the program. Grateful to no longer give my power away and for the understanding that the only authority is a loving God. I'm at peace in the belief that I can risk to make choices, keep learning from them and my higher power will continue to have my back.



Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.

~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 2565

Thanks Skorpi for your service and all above ESH. For much of my life decisions were extremely painful for me. I was not only afraid of being wrong, but also of being ridiculed. That was a common occurrence in my FOO. I did get somewhat more comfortable with decisions over time, but I think program has given me tools to work with, and consulting with program friends and my HP all help. Listening, pausing, thinking, collecting data when possible, are all good choices. And then there is always Step 10: Continue to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it. :) Progress not perfection.



Senior Member

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Posts: 112

Good evening

Man, today's reading(yesterdays reading actually) and these shares are exactly what I needed right now.

I have to make some decisions/choices that are pretty important. I have been turning to my HP for answers and guidance and I still don't know what to do. I am kinda scared to choose on my own because I don't know for sure what the outcome will be.

Your shares have been very helpful.

Have a good night


-- Edited by SunnyFrog on Thursday 23rd of February 2023 05:50:58 PM

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