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Post Info TOPIC: C2C, Monday, 2/13, compare=despair

~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 2565
C2C, Monday, 2/13, compare=despair

Every person is different, in alanon and elsewhere.  Comparing ourselves to others is a defect of character and it causes self-dislike.  Each of us have special qualities and we should not compare ourselves to anyone else's recovery.  We are all doing the best we can.  We offer an important contribution to program just by showing up, participating, and being ourselves.

Reminder:  A sponsor or trusted alanon friend can help me see that I have value just as I am.


I spent many unfortunate years being miserable, and part of that was always seeing myself as "less than."  Everyone else was smarter, prettier, happier, etc.  My first sponsor (Betty) had me write an asset about myself everyday, for a year or two.  Oh, what torture that was in the beginning. I could write volumes about my deficits....but she taught me to see the whole picture, strengths and weaknesses.  I will be forever grateful to have given up comparing myself to everyone else.  Now I just see where I've been, where I am now, and where I want to be.  God bless Betty.



~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 787

Lovely reading and share Lyne, thank you so much for this daily reminder.

It took me a while to get past the negative self esteem but once I discovered the sources

and worked on them using Step Four in earnest a number of times, my confidence level

was on the mend. Validation is wonderful once in a while, but when I do have lapses in

my confidence I recover so much more quickly and am able to do the soul searching

that I find necessary to get perspective.


"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it

does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown


Senior Member

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Posts: 335

Thanks for the reading Lyne and to you and DM for your shares. This is a great reading about recognizing and overcoming faulty thinking concerning myself and others. Grateful for lessons of self knowledge > self worth > self love. I can admire qualities in others and in truth even today, I may envy what appears to be an easier, softer way to happiness - another person's path. When I give appearances further thought, however; I know I can never have the full picture of another person's journey either past or present or know what rocks were or are currently on their road.

In recovery we learn statements like walk the walk and talk the talk and insides matching your outsides. I've learned through experience that often appearances are simply that - how one appears to others. Other people have their "stuff" too including those not in 12 step programs. I've yet to meet anyone who has gotten a free pass, a "perfect" life, whose life is pure bliss, is as put together internally as they appear outwardly. You know what they say... If you can spot it, you've got it. I certainly had it and projected it to shield myself from any possible criticism, rejection from groups or individuals. Certainly there are genuinely confident, happy, self actualized people out there as well. I do feel for the most part I am in that space today but I credit any comfort in my skin to my higher power. I'm grateful to see myself as a complex person with both assets and defects. I keep my hp busy :)

It can be so limiting to accept being seen as a person with one particular strength and further limiting to oblige yourself to live up what others tell you that you are. I certainly don't want to be defined this way even if the characteristic is a positive one. Hey! What about the rest of me ;) That is what recovery and my hp continues to help me find and explore, the rest of me - what makes "me" happy, my lifes/dislikes, how "I" feel in response to something not what "appears" to be how most people respond, what "people" like or dislike.

Grateful to identify as a person separate and acceptable as I am.  One day at a time, with gratitude and humility, I can continue the journey of being shaped by the plan my loving higher power has for me. I enjoy and celebrate belonging, and mutual sharing, but today I also celebrate who and what makes me me and no longer seek wholeness or my worth through the eyes of other human beings.

-- Edited by tiredtonite on Monday 13th of February 2023 09:58:33 AM


Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.

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