The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
In today's reading, the author reflects on their friendships with people. The author notes that they sometimes reach out and try to be friends with people, even when those attempts are friendships are repeatedly rebuffed. The closing line at Al-Anon meetings ("though you may not like all of us, you'll love us in a very special way - the same way we already love you.") brought the author comfort.
They now realize that, although we cannot always be everyone's friend, we can offer and receive respect, support, and understanding.
Today's Reminder: It is unrealistic to expect everyone to like me. With such an expectation, I set myself up to fail and give myself an excuse to blame that failure on others. I can't change people, but I can change my own attitudes. I can let go of my rules about how others should feel about me. When I am disappointed in another's response, I can make an extra effort to be kind, warm, and loving to myself. I am lovable just the way I am.
Today's Quote: "To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance." Oscar Wilde
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Sometimes connections grow and fade, and sometimes the time of a friendship isn't right. I had a friend in Al-Anon, we went to the same meeting, sometimes connected for coffee before or after. Then, she stopped attending meetings and didn't respond to calls or texts. I figured she was just busy. Then I happened upon her booth at a local fair, and stopped to look over some things. She pretended she didn't know me, and in the spirit of anonymity, I pretended the same. I was disappointed in her rejection of what I thought was a growing friendship, but decided to focus my energy on more positive friendships with people who wanted to connect with me. This gave me another opportunity to practice loving detachment. I wish my al-anon friend well, but I'm not going to go chasing after her. Maybe she is busy. Maybe she decided that the group wasn't for her, maybe she decided that I wasn't a positive influence for her. Whatever the reason, I'm confident it says something about her and her needs, not something about me, and so I don't need to worry about why she made the choices she did. When a memory crosses my mind, I can hold on the the positivity, and wish my al-anon friend well, wherever she is and whatever she is doing.
__________________
Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Thank you Skorpi for your service/ESH. I truly admire how you graciously handled your situation. The shares further my spiritual growth. I have a long-term friendship that soured a number of years ago due to an unkind exchange (mostly me) when boundaries were crossed. Anyways, during the pandemic, I reached out to her and she unloaded on me. Yikes. Around that time, Al-Anon entered my world and the steps offered me a new perspective. Normally, I would have pushed back and shut her out...forever. I had to accept that our friendship would never go back to how it used to be. My spirit could not let her go and I settled for occasionally sending humorous texts. One day she surprised me by initiating contact. I jumped at the chance hoping for f2f contact. No such luck. Last year, I ran into her cousin at a coffee shop and he proceeded to tell me about her deteriorating health. I listened in stunned silence. He assumed I knew. Oops. Anyways, shortly after she contacted me and updated me. I never brought up my encounter with her cousin . We are on a new path and lend support to each other. I'm glad my HP/Al-Anon guided me to work on this relationship. One of my shortcomings is resisting building/maintaining friendships. Grateful for MIP.
