Thanks Skorpi for the reading and your share. The reading is a great reminder about accepting others as they are rather than how I would like them to be. Over the last few years I've been disappointed about how a long time friend has been showing up in our friendship. Like you, I have considered reasons for this. I began to make it personal and found myself growing resentful. I shared my feelings with my A who knows her too. He is also in recovery and he reminded me about expectations and suggested that perhaps my friend was giving all she could and that I had a choice to take it or leave it. A self inventory revealed that I felt better with the rationalization that it might not be about my personal likeability.

In truth, I do feel that it might be about my likeability. It may also be about my ability to choose emotionally available people. Since the friendship is more than a decade old, I may be in a different place today. Maybe I am the one who has changed and this is causing me to notice things about the old friendship that went unnoticed before. Of course my friend as well could have life circumstances that have changed how she presents in our friendship or feel she has outgrown me and our friendship. I have discussed all of this with her actually, asked if we should re-evaluate our friendship and whether to continue it. She affirmed she is invested in remaining friends and made some efforts to demonstrate greater participation but has now reverted back to being less available. I am realizing that I have no right to expect her to change. Incidentally, she has not asked me to change ;)

One of my earliest Al-anon lessons was learning to accept myself and others as we are. People change, people leave, move, die, grow and sometimes that means a change to relationships. Al-anon is a program of attraction not promotion. It's a suggestion that I can apply not only within my meetings but to my interactions outside the meeting rooms as well. What new friendships can I attract as the person I am today? How can I foster greater harmony in my existing friendships by displaying positive behaviors based on Al-anon principles rather than projection my old pre-Al-anon behaviors onto present relationships. Whatever anyone else's behavior, I can choose to keep progressing in my own.

I like this statement in the reading. "... while I can't have everyone's friendship, I can offer and receive respect, support and understanding. The statement reminds me to remain willing and be open rather than expect reciprocity. I keep myself free of resentment when I show up in a recovering way because of changing for the better rather than acting in a particular way - maniplulating to extract a particular outcome/response from another person. Things work out better when I just do what feels right and let go of the result, when I practice To thine own self be true.

I've heard it said in Al-anon that people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime and that it's up to you to figure out which. My belief is that decision rests more in the hands of my loving higher power. I do better when I continue to try to show up as my best self and not try to force any relationship. Best for me to keep gratitude in front of me for everyone my hp chooses to put in my life and for lessons whatever the duration. That helps me to grow in my acceptance of joy and my tolerance of disappointment as a person. Also, who knows what lessons I may have played a part in concerning others in our relationships?  HP only knows, right? ;)