The material presented
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THIS IS MY FIRST POST. I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO ATTEND MY ONLINE MEETINGS BECAUSE I AM OUT OF TOWN AND BECAUSE OF THIS NIGHTMARE I HAVE BEEN LIVING SINCE APRIL 11. I FINALLY GOT THE COURAGE TO LEAVE MY A OF 27 YEARS. I MET A MAN IN OREGON ABOUT A YEAR AGO. FLEW OUT TO BE WITH HIM MANY TIMES. WE FELL IN LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT. AFTER MY LAST VISIT IN FEBRUARY WE FINALLY DECIDED I WAS MOVING IN WITH HIM (2500 MILES AWAY). HE FLEW TO NASHVILLE TO GET ME ON 3-29-06. WE DROVE OUT TO OREGON TOGETHER. HE WAS THE MOST WONDERFUL MAN I HAVE EVER KNOWN. IT IS SO SAD BECAUSE ON APRIL 11 HE HAD A MASSIVE STROKE & PASSED AWAY ON APRIL 17. THE STEPDAUGHTER WAS TERRIBLE TO ME. I WAS FORCED TO MOVE FROM HIS HOUSE. LEGALLY I DIDN'T HAVE TO DO THIS BUT SO MUCH HARRASSMENT CAUSED ME TO DO THIS. I WAS NOT READY TO LET OUR LIFE GO EVEN THOUGH HE WAS NOT IN IT. I COULD STILL FEEL HIS PRESENCE IN THAT HOUSE. I COULD SMELL HIM, HIS CLOTHES, EVERYTHING. ANYWAY I GOT A GOOD JOB IN OREGON. THEY ASKED ME TO GO TO SPOKANE, WA TO HELP OUT AT THAT OFFICE UNTIL MAY 19. I AM IN SPOKANE NOW ON THE HOTEL COMPUTER. THE COMPUTER WILL NOT LET ME GET INTO THE MEETINGS. I REALLY NEED SUPPORT FROM ALL MY ROOMIES. THE DAYS ARE FAIR BECAUSE I AM SO BUSY AT WORK, BUT THE NIGHTS ARE TERRIBLE. ALL I DO IS CRY. I MISS HIM SO MUCH AND I AM SO MAD AT HP FOR TAKING HIM AWAY FROM ME. HE GOT DOWN ON HIS KNEES IN FRONT OF EVERYONE AND ASKED ME TO MARRY HIM. BOUGHT ME A BEAUTIFUL ENGAGEMENT RING. WE HAD ALREADY PLANNED WHERE WE WERE GOING TO MARRY (ON AN ISLAND). OF COURSE THIS WAS TO HAPPEN AFTER MY DIVORCE. WHO WOULD HAVE KNOWN THAT I WOULD LOSE HIM SO SOON. I FEEL SO LOST AND ALONE. HELP ME. I NEED STRENGTH TO GET THROUGH THE DAYS AND NIGHTS WITHOUT HIM. I NEED STRENGTH NOT TO BLAME MYSELF. WE HAD SO MUCH LOVE. EVERYWHERE WE WENT PEOPLE WOULD SAY "GET A ROOM". WE ALWAYS HELD HANDS, TOUCHED, KISSED & EVERYTHING. OUR LOVE WAS SO OBVIOUS TO EVERYONE AROUND. GRIEF HAS OVERCOME ME. I WOULD GIVE ANYTHING IF I HAD STAYED WHEN I WAS WITH HIM IN NOVEMBER & THEN AGAIN IN JANUARY. BUT I CAN'T TURN BACK THE HANDS OF TIME & THIS PROBABLY WOULD HAVE BEEN EVEN HARDER. SIGNED: DWA1163, TERRIBLY LOST & FULL OF SADNESS AND GRIEF.
I'm so glad you found a way to post, I've been wondering about you and how you are doing. What has happened is simply tragic. As much as it hurts, you'll get thru it. grieving is a process and you just have to go thru it, there is no easy way. Keep focused on what you have and try real hard not to focus on what you've lost. There are no words that can make it better. I wish there were. I am happy to see you have found a job there. It must be hard so far from TN. You don't have to alone, maybe find some meetings? I'm sure it'd feel good just be around others.
My Mom asked me why I'm still going to Alanon meetings if my A isn't drinking. My answer was "because I'm still here and I'm worth it". You are still here too ((dwa))). It takes time. We never get over the loss of a loved one, we just learn to live without them.
Take care, Christy (Cjo)
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
I am so sad for you dwall. I had wished I had stayed the last night my husband was still talking. He went into a coma that night.he died a day and night later.
Always said, I wish I just had ten more min. with him. That was 25 years ago.
You must hurt so very,very much. Sounds like you two shared a very great love. I am so glad you experienced it. Someday, you will think back and you will have healed enough to treasure what ya did have.
But right now, it is a horrible, horrible loss.
I am sorry you were treated so badly. Death tends to bring out the person,s insides, out. It is when they are the most real. Sounds like his family were feeling a lot of bad things.
You carry him inside you. When you miss him and hurt, put a memory in your mind of when you two were happy doing something. When ya need to sob, sob. Let it out. It must be so very hard to be in a state that is not home.
Will you go back to your home? I am in Oregon. It is a beautiful place. I am in the Willamette Valley. Live on the side of a mountain outside Lebanon. I love it here.
wish there was something I could say that would help. But hon, you just have to go thru it. It will go better if you work on being as healthy as possible and sleeping as much as you can.
Glad you came here. lots and lots of love and hugs and caring,debilyn
I am deeply sorry for your loss. Please remember that when he passed it was with the love of his life. He took your love with him. His love for you will always be there. It takes time to grieve, and give yourself that. It's okay. "The Journey of Love is Long, and does not stop at Death." I would check for some local f2f meetings at night if you can get to them from your hotel. You may not know the people there, but there are no strangers amongst people who are the path of recovery. I will say an extra prayer for you.
Live strong, Karilynn
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
I am so sorry for the loss!! I can only imagine the pain you must be going through. I hope you will find peace. Just keep coming back and share and with time maybe it won't hurt so much. I am praying for you.
I am so sorry for your loss. I am sure that with the intensity of your love your intensity of pain is just as bad. Be happy that you had this loving experience as some never do. Of course if you never love you never hurt but that isn't really living.
I just knew you'd find a way back here to your friends. We care deeply about you, I know I do, and wish for you to grow in love within yourself, as you heal. Things dont just happen for a reason, they happen for the reason that will be to your heart's best interest.. in the deep loneliness of sadness you may find that you are not alone. The tiniest shred of light will make itself apparent to you, the tiniest glimmer of joy remains, waiting patiently for you to begin to adjust to what has happened. Meanwhile, many roomies love you, and have asked about you, have deep compassion for your loss, your pain, your wounded heart.
You are so brave to have dared to change your life in the face of despair; and what has happened since then would rock anyone to the core; just remember sweet D, that in your core, you cannot be forgotten or alone because that is where your love is, and ours for you. We are not separate from the spirituality of the world, anymore than we are separate from the sky in which we breathe. Take a deep breath of the golden white light of love and feel it shower down on you, through you, and out from your heart.
(((dwa)))) I have been wondering about you too. I remember when we talked in the chatroom, you were getting ready to go to Oregon. My heart hurts for you. I am grateful that you did get to spend some time with the love of your life, and you have wonderful memories that no one can take from you.
It gives me a new insight to "one day at a time." Maybe that also means to live each day as if it were our last, because you never do know. I know I spend too much time worrying and not loving the people I am with, not loving my husband enough or my daughter enough due to all my worry. One day at a time is all we have to do.
I wish you well, dwa, and am so sorry that you had to go thru all this pain. Am glad you have a good job. Hope you can find your way back to us soon. Will keep you in my prayers.
Thank you David for your words of encouragement they really help me. I can't get into the meetings right now. This is the only way I can communicate with all my loving roomies. I'm taking one day at a time. It hurts so much and I think I am still in shock and the real grief has not really hit me yet. I really hope the worst is over but I don't think so. I think I am going to eventually fall apart but I really hope not. Work has been a real blessing for me now. I have been working 10 and 11 hour days and I am very busy and all the people have been so very kind to me. I love you David and I truly hope your life is going well. I know you have your problems too and I don't mean to be insinsitive of that. I am glad you have been here for me. You are so sweet. Too bad you are not in Oregon. I hope to talk to you soon. Again thanks for being there for me. I talked to Sparkette by the way. She and I plan on getting together when I return to Oregon. (((((((((((((David))))))))))))) love you.
I am planning on staying in Oregon now. I have just been through so much I can't even think about going back to Tennessee. I am in Fairview, OR. I am not sure where you are as I am not that familiar with Oregon yet. Thanks for your kind words. I am trying to be as strong as I possible can. I am involving myself in work and lots of it. It tends to keep my mind occupied. I know I have not been through the worst yet. Nights are very hard. But I am praying for God to help me. I can't wait to get back to meetings. I will be back in Oregon on May 19 am in Spokane WA till then. Talk to you soon. Lots of love to you.
Thank you Karilyn. I will be back in Oregon on May 19 and plan on attending f2f meetings. I really need the support. You all have been a great strength for me. I love you all.
Thank you. I now realize how we must cherish each day as if it were our last. I hope I can get over this hurt soon becasuse it just hurts too much. I can't wait to get back to Oregon. I will be back on May 19 and am anxious to talk to you all. love you
Thank you for your kind words of sympathy. I guess I just have to take it "one day at a time". I now know that we do have to live life like it was our last day. I hope my is better soon. I am so full of grief and I really hate it. I will get better though. I had enough courage to pack up & leave my 27 year abusive marriage & move all the way here. There had to be a good reason God broght me here.
