Fear has been so prevalent in my life. I fear confrontation, anger, what others think of me. This stems from growing up with a violent alcoholic father. If we stepped out of line, you could be murdered physically, verbally, and mentally. Trying to not bow down to others out of fear has debilated my life financially, emotionally, and mentally. It sucks and I hate it. I get so angry at myself for letting it control my life. I wish there was a magic pill I could take so I wouldn't have a care in the world. I look back at my father and think he was such a bully. I know it happened to him, but there's no excuse for doing it to your children and wife. I've heard that I need to forgive him. Intellectually I can understand why he did it, but I will never understand why he did not get help and continued through life to deny what happened. Any mistakes I make with my children, I own. I have cut ties with my parents without guilt. It was a painful process, but I will no longer allow them to scream at me, put me down, and cause drama in my life. Their pain from the past is no longer mine to deal with.