The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Todays reading is a look at the difference between our responsibilities and the responsibilities we take on out of some sense of obligation. The writer begins with a comparison between how the responsibility and authority of Al-anon world services belongs to al-anon groups and how responsibility and authority can be skewed in alcoholic families. In al-anon, there is an alignment between what is expected of the groups and the capacity to meet the expectations; in an alcoholic home, authority and responsibility are often misplaced.
The writer describes a childhood in which he/she felt responsible for ending fights between the parents, attempting to mediate a situation that he/she should not have been a part of. The Al-anon program taught the writer that ending the fights of others was not his/her responsibility. In fact the writer learned that as an individual separate from others, we have no responsibility or authority over others. We may continue to have people in our lives who want us to take on their responsibilities. Through Al-anon we can learn what does and doesnt belong to us to sort out.
This reading got me thinking about trying to keep the peace. It sounds like such a good and benevolent thing to do, but the truth is some of us who grew up thinking we had to keep the peace at all costs were actually minding the business of other people and taking on situations that were not ours to figure out. It makes sense to me that anyone living with an alcoholic (especially as a child!) would try to find a path to peace, since that life is fraught with chaos and inconsistency. What Al-anon can help us do is detach from those type of chaotic scenarios rather than try to fix them all up, and instead put our energy into our own responsibility: ourselves.
Our thought of the day: Just because someone tries to throw his or her responsibilities my way doesn't mean I have to catch them. My program helps me detach from what doesnt belong to me.
Man,so many helpful shares that I just happen to need at this very moment. I have felt so torn in a few different situations that are all happening at the same time. I have felt pulled in so many different directions by others lately.
Knowing what is my responsibility and what is not can feel so confusing at times when caught up in everyone else. I like the slogan "live and let live" and will practice using that in the upcoming week.
Thank you Mary for your service, and all for their ESH.
I want to spend some time with this, as this post is reminding me that I grew up as the "fixer." A "pacifier." I tried my best to smooth things over. So MY issues go way deeper than the alcoholic that was in my life. After much work with this, and stepping far away from my son to allow him to be a young adult "on his own." I am seeing my behavior resurface, as he likes the alcohol and doesn't process it well. I just want a peaceful home... one that I had fought so hard for and had just a couple years ago.
Happy Sunday!
PNP
__________________
"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Thank you for that post. Looking back at my "helping" behaviour it not only extended to the substance abuser in my life, it extends to many of my relationships. I have to be vigilante and guard against old behaviours of being a know it all and taking over. Most if not all problems of others are not mine to pick up. My life is so much more peaceful when I remember this.
