Al-Anon Family Group

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Post Info TOPIC: Woohoo! And a question


Newbie

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Posts: 2
Date:
Woohoo! And a question


Me here. I had to make yet another new account. I'm so sorry- I must have 6 or 7 now. My computer was destroyed yesterday in a random electrical event (I am so sad about it, it's an expensive nightmare) and when I tried to log in from my old laptop it didn't have my details. I wasn't able to recover my password because full disclosure, I have like eight million email addresses and I can't remember which one I used to make my MIP account. I'm not up to anything shady, I just have problems with executive function and I forget passwords etc. My digital signature is a complicated mess.
Anyway I have really great news.
Someone I care for deeply has been struggling with an alcoholic and it has been very difficult. I've been gently suggesting al-anon for a long time and they finally went to a meeting and they are so excited about it, and calling me every day to discuss it with me and it's really ignited my enthusiasm for the program again. I know this program is for me, and not about saving others but it's really inspiring and wonderful to see someone experience the joy I felt when I first got here. It inspires me to get my head back in the program again so I can be on the same page with them. 

So my question is, if someone you are close to becomes an al-anon member and wants to talk about it, what kind of boundaries to people draw? I am thrilled of course and i feel like I want to smother them with my well intentioned advice but of course that's not the right thing to do. I was thinking we could discuss a daily each day for now while they are enthusiastic? Because they know I have been an al-anoner for years they ask me a lot of questions and I don't want to put myself in the position of assuming I am some kind of expert- this isn't my show. They expressed real enthusiasm for finding a sponsor so it's really good news no matter how you look at it. It's so nice to see someone who has struggled for so long find the program and grab hold of it. I need to be very careful to stay in my lane here. I'd really appreciate any input.

I love this place

 



__________________


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 316
Date:

Hi Mel, Glad you were able to make a new account. Welcome back! :)

I would suggest turning to Al-anon's 12 Steps and 12 Traditions book for an answer to your question with an emphasis on the Traditions. Although we apply both the Steps and Traditions when in our meeting place, they are meant for healthy living outside the rooms. I've found the Traditions in particular are especially helpful for personal boundaries in work groups and one to one interchanges. Hope this was helpful.

Nice to read that your friends is having a positive experience and that you feel it's been a catalyst for your own recovery! Keep coming back.



__________________

Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.



Newbie

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Posts: 2
Date:

Thanks TT. Going to the literature is a great suggestion. I forget it's there sometimes. Isn't that silly, when I benefited from it so much when I first came in.


__________________


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 744
Date:

Glad you were able to start up a new account, so sorry for the electrical issues!!!

I think it is absolutely wonderful that you suggested and are assisting your friend!!

I agree with TT, that the Traditions should give you all the guidance you need in

the process of locating and establishing proper boundaries, although I would

suspect that since you have been on MIP for so many years that you probably

already know all you need to know!! {{HUGS}}

__________________

"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it

does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown

Debbie



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 888
Date:

Oh passwords, how I love (and hate) thee, haha...can be quite the challenge at times, eh?

How exciting! Glad you have a chance to see hope and the program in action.

I agree with what others have shared above, literature and program basics offer tremendous value. For me, digging into the Pathways in Alanon book to get a good foundation of the steps and traditions was invaluable, and that's where I point anyone who has questions or excitement about the program, and myself when I am troubled about something.

The daily readers C2C, ODAT, HOPE have tremendous value and offer a compact view of virtually all topics, are subject searchable, are less intimidating but carry a powerful punch.

In the dailies, there are fantastic suggestions in pages under the index topics Advice, boundaries, that remind me of the value of guiding newer ones to the program pages and spiritual concepts. Teach someone to fish rather than giving them the fish.

In this way, the person grasps what they want and are ready for, at their own pace, with Alanon as the source and not me.

Glad you're back!

__________________

Paul

"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives."  - Paths to Recovery 

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