The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Things aren't always as they seem I guess. I am finding more about my husband of 23 years. It turns out he was a very sick man & I didn't know how sick. He had a lot of memories that weren't actually truths. He shared a lot w/ me but I am saddened to see that he had a lot of memories that might not have been how they actually were. He was very mentally ill & I didn't know how much. But, I still have the good memories we shared & I will have to live w/ those & try not to remember the things that probably never happened. He wasn't just an alcoholic. He was very mentally disturbed. It will always probably be sad to me but at least he loved me & care deeply for me. I loved him for those years even when he wasn't even able to be there for himself.
Now I sit here thinking that maybe I should honor his memory. Just that. Those things he shared w/ me at our time together.
I was looking at our checkbook register & saw how much he gave to charities & how much he wanted to give to others as well.
His life was not in vain. He really was a good man. He fought the good fight even until the end.
I won't be able to write anymore because in this post I am crying too much to be able to see what I am writing anyway.
But, I will say that my life will go on & I will be happy. I am a grateful member of Al anon.
{{{Kathleen}}}. I think it is human nature to review life after someone has passed. And like all of us, there is good and bad. No bread in the hardware store and no perfect people. Today is my father's birthday. He died from a second heart attack in 1977. He's been gone the majority of my life. He had so many flaws and yet he was a loving, kind human being, the best he could be after his own childhood. I miss him today and many days. I used to dwell on the things he did wrong, but with program, I am able to cherish the things he did right. After all these years, I still love him.
