The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I thought I would pose this question to all, new comers, and "oldsters" alike. I know for me I was always trying to change someone else's life, leaving mine on the back burner. This is what alcoholism did to me. I would constantly be trying to "fix" him change him to my way of living or thinking. I never thought before Alanon that I too needed to be "fixed", change my way of thinking and living. I did not realize how much this disease had actually affected my life, til I started to attend alanon. Now I see my actions and reactions were entirely futile, useless, and totally insane. I am trying to change all those aspects of my life to become a better parent, sibling, friend, with more understanding to those I love and care about. "I am not always right". Alanon has taught me after years of meetings, that my self will, my big mouth, my snide remarks, my disgusting sneers, does not make me look any better than the A's who I have tried to fix. I have found that you get more respect from being honest than and sharing how you feel , instead of slamming cupboard doors, groaning, expecting for people to understand your need for help. These are things I am working on, and only I can make the changes,and I have found I cannot do it alone , I have to take action, attend alanon meetings which reinforces my goals, for MY own healthy way of living, and mostly start truly and really enjoying my life.
I am slowly trying to do this program just for me. Although I do not preach and say things to my A son anymore...I do still try to drop hints about program things to him. I think that is me still trying to control and change him to my thinking. I think, eventually, that will stop when I only take care of myself. It is a little scarey of trying to let go of it all completely. It also feels unattainable for me. However, I thought, before program, that what I have now was unattainable. The more I hear and read about doing for the A is only making his life easier and will take a lot longer for him to hit bottom...the more I am able to let go.
Boy you said it!!! The one amazing thing I have experienced since coming to Al-anon is that no matter who we are, our gender, where we live, what our cultural, ethnic, religious, background is, we ALL have struggled with pretty much the same emotional demons. My best friend who is a recovering alcoholic suggested I come to Al-anon. She told me that when I attend meetings & listen to others share, that I will nod my head in agreement, it will be like they know ME!! I know when I go to my f2f meetings & here at MIP, I am nodding my head in agreement. I sometimes feel like others know my deepest feelings, emotions, thoughts.
This never ceases to amaze me. I can totally relate to what you said. In fact that is what I am struggling with right now.
At my f2f one of the members shared about the books we read from, that the author seems to jumble the pages well, not really, but it seems like what we read that day is meant to be for that day!! It is sooooooo true!! I have found that the mesages seem to speak to me personally.
I used to think that I would come here, go through the steps 1, 2, 3, 4.... and so on & so forth. Then I would be "cured"
I have learned this is NOT a "quick fix", it is not just going step 1, 2, 3,..... that's it all better. It is a way of life, it is a journey that we are all on together, each at his/her own pace.
I beleive that all we can do is live for ourselves, we get so caught up in the world of addiction that thinking we have a right to a life gets lost somewhere. How can we be happy when we are sucked into hell.
Glad to see you are living. I too am living life again and it is wonderful. I still have my moments but by the grace of God and alanon I am beginning to see how wonderful life is.
Before I came to Al-Anon, I was living my life from the perspective of I would rather be right than happy. My house was a war zone! Each day was a battle with my active alcoholic. I thought if I didnt fight and defend myself, then who would stand up for me? I didnt realize that I was harming myself in numerous ways. I had lost my power. I was not only beaten down in spirit, but I had lost my God. I woke up one morning and felt like I lost my identity. I couldn't remember who I was, what I liked to do, and whom I could trust. The only way God could get my attention was to put me in so much pain, that it forced me to abandon my free will and try something new. In a meeting, someone said, "what you resist persists". How True! Al-Anon was like the last door of the last house on the block for me. I was only able to make the nessary changes in my life once I hit that rock bottom. To answer your question "do you still care enough to make changes in your life"? Today, my answer is an overwhelming yes! Prior to the program, I did not care about myself. I lived my life as the sacrificial lamb for my friends and family. Now, I have learned that I am no good to anyone else if I am not well. I now ask myself three questions when I realize I need to make a change.
well, not really, but it seems like what we read that day is meant to be for that day!! It is sooooooo true!! I have found that the mesages seem to speak to me personally.