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Post Info TOPIC: C2C, Monday, January 2, No bread in the hardware store


~*Service Worker*~

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Date:
C2C, Monday, January 2, No bread in the hardware store


This writer says that looking for affection and support from an alcoholic can be like going to a hardware store for bread.  While we may not have our expectations met, it is our own expectations that have let us down.  Alcoholics may not be able to express love in the way we want it, but we can try to recognize love however it is offered.  Most of us can find encouragement, support, and an unfailing source of love through alanon.

Reminder:  Today the alcoholic may or may not be able to give us what we desire.  And no one person will ever offer all that we require.  If we stop insisting that our needs be met according to our will, we may discover that all the love and support we need is already at our fingertips.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

I have to admit I still need this reminder from time to time.  My A does try to show love and support to me, however often it is not what I am looking for.  If I am looking for my A to get alcohol treatment, it is I who gets disappointed over and over.  The people in my life do not revolve around my needs.  I do understand that most of the time.  Thy will, not my will.  Progress not perfection.  And yes, this program provides me with so much.  Grateful member always. 



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Lyne



Veteran Member

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Posts: 89
Date:

Good evening. Great topic.

The reality of looking for affection and support from an alcoholic being like trying to find bread in a hardware store is what ultimately helped me finally make the decision to leave my marriage. Maybe it was my own expectations that let me down but it was also my own expectations that pushed me to want more and better for myself.

That being said, I am grateful to be back here in order to work on myself.

Have a good night everyone.



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~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 744
Date:

{{Lyne}} Thank you for your service, today's reading and to you and Daffodils for both your ESH.

Al-Anon has helped me so much in this area!! My expectations do get dashed once in a while but

Al-Anon always set me back on track to realize it is me who determines my happiness. Grateful

member as always!!!

__________________

"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it

does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown

Debbie



Senior Member

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Posts: 316
Date:

Thanks Lyne for your service and today's reading. Thanks to all who share. As with just about every life situation whether directly involving alcoholics in my life or not, I'm grateful for a program that promotes self focus and using Al-anon to gain more serenity in my life. Breaking down The Serenity Prayer as a tool of inventory continues to help me to determine what is within my control and what is not.

This reading closes with a quote from our One Day at a Time reader that suggest I am not powerless in "seemingly hopeless" situations. It goes on to remind me of personal power to change myself for the better rather than trying to change others to suit myself. It asks I do a searching inventory of "distorted ideas and attitudes" I may have. 

It's only through interconnections with others outside an alcoholic home through risking to have new experiences that I've been able to gain more self knowledge. Are my ideas about expectations concerning others reasonable? Are my attitudes based on reality or giving my personal power away to others to define my personal happiness? My early years in Al-anon were spent in denial; not taking responsibility for my part, viewing myself as victimized by the choices, behaviors, lack of participation of others. To be honest, I still do feel victimized at times. I'm human and feel disappointment, remembering how some loved ones once were before the disease of alcoholism began to progress. I have memories of what we shared and long for that connection between us again. It can be difficult to accept what is at times. Testing the waters or rather going to the hardware store for bread by projecting I will get the response I want from anyone can be setting myself up for disappointment. I'm finding things go better when I continue to work Al-anon by displaying recovery based behaviors towards others and let go of the results.

One of our Al-anon topics is maturity. Maybe you've heard the statement "Somebody has to be the grownup." For me, that once meant assuming the responsibilities of other people. I'm a bit more selective in my giving now since recovery. Maturity today means self sufficiency.  If I'm working my Al-anon program, my actions are based on self esteem rather than outward esteeming myself through people, places and things.  I can recognize recovery progress by inventorying my personal growth situation to situation, degree of acceptance and keeping honest concerning personal responsibility. Feeling, dealing and healing is a lifelong process. Because "the only constant is change," new challenges are presented by my higher power daily. I pray about them, share with others to gain perspective outside my own. I've had my share of eye opening moments this past year. My goal for the coming year at least as it pertains to others is to do a better job loving others. I have been looking at answers to a question I've been asking myself recently. "Am I loving people as they are or as I am?" I've also been looking at some rather wonderful qualities in the alcoholics in my life (yes you read that right) that I have not seen in myself for some time. I want to work for progress in these areas and do a better job of acknowledging them in others. 

 



-- Edited by tiredtonite on Monday 2nd of January 2023 10:29:17 AM

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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.



Senior Member

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Posts: 393
Date:

Thank you Lyne for your service. I appreciate all the thought provoking shares. My takeaway is to check my expectations and make decisions that are right for me.

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