The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I haven't yet been able to attend a meeting, so don't know anything about the steps or how to get started. I have lived with an alcoholic husband for twenty years, but just last night decided I needed to finally do something for myself, since it is pretty obvious that he is not going to change. Where do I begin? I just read some of the posts about detaching, etc. but don't know the first thing about what you do to accomplish that. I have recently been seriously thinking about splitting up with him because he is getting worse in so many ways that living with him is getting so unpleasant and I feel so disappointed with life. But that would be tremendously difficult because of my particular situation. Can anyone take the time to get me started? I would much appreciate someone to talk to.
Welcome to MIP and Alanon you are in the right place. For most of us living with an alcoholic is too painful and daunting to take alone. The best thing I can tell you is to start from the beginning with a Beginner's meeting. If you have not found one, you can go to the Alanon website and a listing of meetings in your area will be provided. I was told to attend at least six meetings before I decided if Alanon was for me. I got reading pamphlets from the meetings and listened until I felt comfortable to talk. I liked beginners meetings because they allow the newcomers to talk about why they chose to come to Alanon. Read as much as possible and work on Step 1 Realized we were powerless of alcohol and the affects of alcoholism and the alcoholic. Realizing powerlessness is the biggest part for us and the alcholic it means you understand there is nothing in our power that we can do or say to get the alcoholic to stop drinking. Alanon is your program its about you getting healthy and learning the tools and skills necessary to gain your sanity and life back regardless of whether your husband quits drinking or not. I was also told not make any rash or big decisions regarding my circumstances at least for a year. Take this one day at a time, and keep coming back. There is a lot of great people here that will give you the support you need. Hope this helps.
Twinmom~
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"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
Welcom my dear to MIP, so glad to meet you and looking forward to talking to you in chat.
I also have been married to an alcoholic for a long time. This is a world of hell that no body deserves. Saturday was my 19th Wedding Anniversary so I know how you feel.
For myself, I got to the point of dispare. I just can't live this way anymore. I'm sure that your situation is comprable to most of ours here, as we all have been living in the crazy world of addiction.
Please come in and join our chat, feel free to contact me at anytime. I will be more than happy to talk with you.
I have only been coming here since December, I must tell you it have given me hope. You are not alone.
Hello Misty , please find some real meetings for yourself , Al-Anon will change your life for the better . here is the toll free number , its international they will give u a contact for your area as to where to find the meetings . 1-888-4alanon
We also have meetings in our chat room ,the shedule is on our home page here . good luck
I am new here as well...this is my first post. I have not attended a meeting yet, but feel I am slowly working up the courage to do so. I am engaged to an alcoholic, and today is his 80th day of sobriety. Thank you for having the courage to post and ask for help...it has given me the courage to do the same :)
Twinmom, thank you for your advice to Misty. I am struggling with Step1 right now. I know that his sobriety is a blessing, and our lives have totally changed in the past few months, but I still have a lot of anger and frustration towards him and alcohol. Being "powerless" is not something I like or am used to, but just reading on here today has helped me a lot.
Thanks so much for the encouragement - I really need all I can get. I tried for so long in so many ways and just could not accept that things couldn't get better (guess you could call me stubborn, huh?) I really do intend to go to a real meeting, but don't know how long it will take me to actually talk to people. I have so many questions, one being that ok now I can admit that he is sick, but does this overflow into times when he is not drinking? He can be as good as gold, but at times, so detached emotionally. Those are the times when it almost hurts worse than when he IS drinking - at least, then there is a reason. Also, it seems that it gets progressively worse the older he gets. He gets really down on himself and that's when he seems to look for a way to throw blame on me. Does this fit the pattern or is maybe something else going on here? Any feedback would be appreciated :)
I can still remember my first meeting at Al-Anon 4 years ago. I was nervous, thought I would get lost driving there. I was afraid I would not find the building or the proper room. I showed up 20 minutes early not knowing what to expect. Walking down the hall of the meeting was a particularly long one, it seemed to go on forever. I remember my heart beating so fast I thought I was running a marathon. I was afraid, I was ashamed, I thought my problems were so unique, so different. But, when I walked in that room, I had a chance to read the 12 steps and traditions on the wall. I also saw for the first time, the four C's
You did not Cause it
You cannont Control it
You cannot Cure it.
Right then I knew I was "home". I stayed for the entire meeting. When the group was asked after the meeting started if there are any newcomers, I raised my hand to get a newcomer packet. In my home group, there is a brochure called "The Merry Go Round Called Alcoholism" which I thought was so powerful. Attend at least 6 meetings as close together as possible to see if the group you have chosen is the right place for you. I do not regret for one second taking the chance to go to the meeting. You see, for the first time I was making a choice for me and not my alcoholic. It was very empowering. That was my first step in recovery was breaking free from the isolation of living with a controlling active alcoholic spouse. In the program, you are surrounded by so many people that have had the exact same experiences you are having now. You are not alone!!!!!!! The wisdom in that room is so powerful. I wish you the best of luck and peace be with you.
Welcome to the MIP family lots of love and support here. Take little steps I always try to walk before I crawl. I want things done yesterday. Go back through some of the old posts you will notice lots of us have been in the same place as you. We are here for you whenever you need us. Time to take care of yourself now. Luv Leo xxx
