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Post Info TOPIC: 12/27/22 C2C One Man’s Trash…


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 888
Date:
12/27/22 C2C One Man’s Trash…


This page points to the choice we have when faced with someone's differing opinion: dig in and defend our view or use it as a great reminder that there are endless ways to perceive things. 

Sometimes it can be hard to grasp how someone holds their view. I don't need to take this personally, however, or see them as wrong and expend resources trying to prove that. I can respect their right to see it as they choose.

Reminder: I don't need to invalidate other's opinion for mine to be valid. Today I will others' right to think differently. 

"Think for yourself and let others enjoy the privilege of doing so too." Voltaire 
----------------
This is a top 5 Need to Work topic for me. I hold opinions on everything, many quite strong and built by investment of time, cognitive and emotional resources. 

I need this reminder often that the view I hold of anything is determined by the value I place on the surrounding variables. Other people have different orientation and relationships to those variables...it's inevitable, it's their right, and it's ok. I don't have to agree, but to maintain serenity I must live and let live. 

Grateful for the reminders  

 



__________________

Paul

"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives."  - Paths to Recovery 



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 2536
Date:

Thanks Paul for your service and share. Especially in these times, there are so many things to have strong feelings about. Besides addiction, we have politics, covid, and I could make a very long list of controversial topics. I think live and let live is the way to go, with a side of let go and let God. :)

__________________

Lyne



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 744
Date:

Thank you Paul for your service, today's reading reminder and to you and Lyne for both your

much appreciated ESH. I too need this reminder as well, was just thinking about the highly

opinionated 'A' in my life, amongst a few others and with the help of Al-Anon and MIP I have

learned to "Live and Let Live" and love the heavy dose of "Let Go and Let God" Lyne!! It is

so much easier to take a step back and not feel as though I must defend my own opinions!

Everyone is entitled to their feelings and thoughts and what is right for me can most

certainly not be right for others for multitude of reasons. Just love Al-Anon!!

__________________

"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it

does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown

Debbie



Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 316
Date:

Thanks Paul for your service and everyone for their shares. So very grateful for this program and to remain teachable. The meeting rooms of Al-anon and this board continue to be my classroom. One Al-anon suggestion is to not giving advice to others in program, to not impose my thinking on others. I am able to immediately put this in practice within an Al-anon meeting by not cross talking on another's share but rather personalizing my own share as it relates to the topic and as it relates to my own life. Even today, Keep the Focus on Yourself can be hard for me to work with certain people and in certain situations. When opinions include actions that appear to be detrimental to others, I still have a tendency to want to impose my thinking and generate a rescue plan.This is especially so when I determine that the thinking of someone echoes faulty thinking I had prior to recovery which resulted in painful lessons. Of course the only "authority" we are told in Al-anon is a loving god, a higher power that is a personal guide for each person's life. It's a reminder that I certainly don't have the skill set for the job.

I especially like Keep an Open Mind. It's a great reminder to be remain fully present, listen and consider what another is saying. My progress has come particularly with emotionally charged situations. I no longer feel that I have to take a stand one way or another. If I don't agree or don't understand another person's thinking and especially when I see things are on the brink of being argumentative, I have at times said that I would like to know more about another person's opinion and ask if they could send me some information related to why they feel as they do. The response has been mostly positive concerning being open to learn more. I've found people are more willing to received something from me as well when I validate their right to have their opinion. There are fewer emotionally charged arguments, regrettable words between good people and worse yet severed relationships. I choose detachment by ending the conversation. It reduces my risk of an emotionally charged exchange between myself and another person.

Thankfully, I no longer insist on having my own opinion known or worse yet do it by invalidating the opinion another person. It's just not a way to cultivate more friends ;) nor is anything learned when egos clash or when engaging to elevate oneself at the expense of another person. Thankfully and only because of Al-anon I'm good with who I am today and don't seek value from minimizing the other people. I don't regard backing down or away as fear of confrontation. I don't have to show up for every fight that I'm invited to. Nor do I see myself as complacent when not initiating a fight to make personal views and opinions known. I choose when and how. For me, it's a conscious decision to respond rather than react to people and to life in general. I feel I'm working my program when I flip my defensiveness to having an open mind. The slogan How Important is It and my serenity are things I also consider.

 

 



__________________

Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.

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