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Post Info TOPIC: 11/1/22 ODAT Less Me, More Program = Better Help

~*Service Worker*~

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11/1/22 ODAT Less Me, More Program = Better Help

Today's author points to the range of alcohol related problems we hear about and see, from levels of embarrassment and minor problems to major legal and safety concerns. While it is natural for Alanoners to feel desire to help, care must be shown to avoid advising actions that may have unintended results.

Reminder: 'I will refrain from making judgements or giving advice.' Instead, point the way toward the Alanon program resources to allow them to shape their own solutions to their challenges.

"God grant that I may never urge anyone to take any action but the constructive one of employing Alanon ideas." - Unattributed


The next best steps for others often seem clearly evident to me, and historically I did not hesitate to freely dispense solutions as I perceived them. 

Alanon guided me to the realization that this tendency was good for no one: I was overstepping what I could control into the domain of others and their higher power when I don't even know what choices are best for myself. Once I step outside of recommending Alanon guidance and principles, I am suggesting ideas that seem good based upon my worldview, interpersonal model and personality but may present unforeseen difficulties and even danger for others should they try to initiate them. 

Suggesting them to others is not my right or my responsibility, and I need regular reminders to reel myself back inside my circle. Far better it is that, when I feel the need to help, I pull from the vast library of ALanon pages and principles that offer guidance.

Grateful for the reminder: less me, more program = better for all




"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives."  - Paths to Recovery 

~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 641

Thank you so much Paul for today's reading, your service and wonderful ESH.

I do remember, before this program, how I would beseech the alcoholic in my life to just see what they

were doing to themselves and our relationship. I'm so grateful that I learned that doing this was really

not my place. I learned that no about of wishing or cajoling would work and moved on to better myself

in this program. Grateful member as well!!!


"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it

does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 2481

Thank you Paul for your service and all above ESH. A & I had a friend over for dinner on the weekend. A's behavior was truly embarrassing. We spoke about it briefly last night. I asked a question (which I shouldn't have because I know the answer, but I could not refrain): Do you think you need help? And of course the answer is : No. And I let go and let God. I can only take the best care of myself that I am able to. I reviewed the reasons why I remain in this marriage, and I can stay as long as I can have no expectations and the ability to detach with love. It's a challenge every day, but I do get better at coping. I feel sorry for my A who chooses no help.



Senior Member

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Posts: 270

Thank Paul for the reading and for all of the shares. This a great reminder to focus daily on what I can do to improves my overall sanity and serenity, my quality of life. When I skew priorities by being overly involved in the choices of others, I've learned it's just a convenient distraction from attending to some of my own things. These more often than not are decisions, choices, issues that I would prefer to ignore rather than make the necessary changes. Denial comes in the form of rationalization that I was "needed" elsewhere. With an "expertise" only I can provide? Uh.. likely not! ;) My Al-anon program reminds me that no matter how familiar another person's circumstances may seem, they have a right to their own choices, choices that arrive at with the guidance of a higher power of their choosing. To continue to progress in my own Al-anon recovery, I need to opt out of that role even if being prodded by others to make their decisions for them or through witnessing inaction on their part. I can continue to respond rather than react as it relates to my own choices and not assume to know what is best for anyone else by offering advice or doing for others what they can do for themselves. There are of course exceptions but outside of extraordinary circumstances, I've found this is a good practice for maintaining healthy boundaries and being mindful and respectful of other people's individuality.




Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.

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