The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well it's been an exciting and exhausting week! This old woman with bifocals needs some rest. On Tuesday, hubby gave me a belated birthday present, by letting me redecorate the bathroom. We went to lunch, and then he said do what you want with it. So I changed the shower curtain and rugs, and gave it a very spring time feel. I had a ball doing it. Simple changes, but it gave it a fresh new look.
Wednesday we bought a new car. The daily meditation read from Melody Beattie actually talked about buying a car. It was a bit wierd. HP telling us something? He got his back disabililty check, and since he crashed his other car last year, we've been without. Now I don't drive, so I'm use to it. But he had to learn how to get around on the bus. It was good for him. I decided that I didn't want to be responsible for his car. So we talked about it and I set some boundaries. Mainly that he is to pay for his insurance, he is responsible for any tickets, etc. Most importantly, I realized now, (how young and naive I was before I found Alanon) that there were times last year, that he was driving while under the influence. All those times he picked me up and was acting odd. Hmm... Well I told him that if he chooses to drink and drive that: 1) I will not get in car with him, no matter if he has taken one drink 7 hours before 2) if he gets picked up for DWI or DUI, etc, I'll be happy to take his medications to the jail for him, but he is responsible for any bail, etc. (Normally he would just buy a bottle and come home and drink) and 3) any accident resulting from his drinking, he has to pay for not me. Same way if he drinks away his insurance, then the car can sit. These are boundaries that I intend to stick with come or highwater. He agreed to these terms.
So we picked up the car Wednesday and he told me that he was going to buy a pint, because spending that kind of money always freaks him out. It does. But I made it clear, that if wanted to go any where after that he was on his own. Thursday comes, and we need to pick up the plates (dealer gave us his for the day), but I was at work. I came home to find the car gone, and a sales slip for a quart of vodka purchased that day. I also found a note saying that he was going to his sponsors. So I relaxed that evening. I did pray for HP to keep him safe, but I detached from the situation. Whatever was going to happen was going to happen. He came home the next morning, and said after his sponsor, he went for a long drive. He even showed me his bank statement (last year when he was "going for a drive" in the midst of his serious relapse it meant checking into a hotel, and binging, and visiting a porn shop ) to prove to me he wasn't doing that. I knew that already, but I didn't tell him that. Anyway he said that he wanted a drink. I knew that he was tired and if I could get him to take his meds he'd fall asleep. So I asked him not to drink, because I just didn't feel like dealing with it. He didn't. I went to work, and he called to tell me that he found the bottle and threw it out. Guess what, he did. The bottle was in the sink, empty and he was sober. Baby steps folks. He said he has a car, and just doesn't want to do that anymore. Progress. He also has incentive to stay sober,because I agreed to let him teach me to drive. But I will only do that if he is sober. Progress.
Oddly enough I seem to be at peace with all of this. Perhaps I really am learning from this program! I detached, said prayers, set boundaries, took it ODAT, and even saw progress. So thanks to all of you for helping me, guiding me, and teaching this old woman. Once in a while I really do catch on .
Love and blessings to my family here. What a great group of people we have here. Keep your heads held high and keep looking up.
Live strong,
Karilynn
P.S. Pipers Kitty does not like the car! I will post here when I get my learner's permit so all of you can clear the road and be safe!
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Woohooo! Learning to drive will change your life. Look out!!
This may be a new beginning for both of you *crosses fingers and sends up a prayer*. Give hubby a big hug too, I hope he makes it. I sure hope he doesn't need the kind of kick in the head that my A got. I wouldn't wish that on anyone.
You're doing great and life is changing for the good :) (((big squeeze)))
your friend, Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
Good for you for setting your boundaries!!! I agree with Christy that learning to drive will revolutionize your life. It is such a freedom! I haven't posted much lately, and it was funny that your post jumped out at me. My AH got a new car this week as well. He has 5 months and a new job and he need something new as his job is in sales. The old me would have fretted about it, held resentments..etc....maybe put the car in my name. (his old car was until I finally had enough a removed the plates during a binge of his in Sept). This time I told him it was on him, I would help him with the downpayment and he put his car up for sale. He went to the dealership alone and got the car. I am not responsible for it, he has to pay a bit of a higher rate due to his fair credit and DUI, but that's his consequence. It feels good to set boundaries, stick to them and let go. Congratulations to both of us!
You Go GIRL.. I would much rather be on the road with you learning to drive then someone who knows how to drive and does so DRUNK.. :)) I am sure you will do GREAT !! Great job setting boundries, they were great reminders..
Good luck and remember we are all sitting in the back seat rooting you on !!!
love to see how your applying the steps . . putting them to work and keepin ' the boundaries in place. Congrats on the new car too! ((((BIGHUG)))) YOU GO GIRL~ WORKIT WORKIT WORKIT
On Tuesday, hubby gave me a belated birthday present, by letting me redecorate the bathroom. We went to lunch, and then he said do what you want with it. So I changed the shower curtain and rugs, and gave it a very spring time feel. I had a ball doing it. Simple changes, but it gave it a fresh new look. 
It was a bit wierd. HP telling us something? He got his back disabililty check, and since he crashed his other car last year, we've been without. Now I don't drive, so I'm use to it. But he had to learn how to get around on the bus. It was good for him. I decided that I didn't want to be responsible for his car. So we talked about it and I set some boundaries. Mainly that he is to pay for his insurance, he is responsible for any tickets, etc. Most importantly, I realized now, (how young and naive I was before I found Alanon) that there were times last year, that he was driving while under the influence. All those times he picked me up and was acting odd. Hmm... Well I told him that if he chooses to drink and drive that: 1) I will not get in car with him, no matter if he has taken one drink 7 hours before 2) if he gets picked up for DWI or DUI, etc, I'll be happy to take his medications to the jail for him, but he is responsible for any bail, etc. (Normally he would just buy a bottle and come home and drink) and 3) any accident resulting from his drinking, he has to pay for not me. Same way if he drinks away his insurance, then the car can sit. These are boundaries that I intend to stick with come 
or highwater. He agreed to these terms.
) to prove to me he wasn't doing that. I knew that already, but I didn't tell him that. Anyway he said that he wanted a drink. I knew that he was tired and if I could get him to take his meds he'd fall asleep. So I asked him not to drink, because I just didn't feel like dealing with it. He didn't. I went to work, and he called to tell me that he found the bottle and threw it out. Guess what, he did. The bottle was in the sink, empty and he was sober. 
Baby steps folks. He said he has a car, and just doesn't want to do that anymore. Progress. He also has incentive to stay sober,because I agreed to let him teach me to drive. But I will only do that if he is sober. Progress. 
I detached, said prayers, set boundaries, took it ODAT, and even saw progress. So thanks to all of you for helping me, guiding me, and teaching this old woman. Once in a while I really do catch on 
love to see how your applying the steps . . putting them to work and keepin ' the boundaries in place. Congrats on the new car too! 
((((BIG
HUG)))) YOU GO GIRL~ WORKIT 
WORKIT