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Post Info TOPIC: 8/30/22 ODAT – Pause…Rework

~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 963
8/30/22 ODAT – Pause…Rework

This contributor acknowledges a time we may have reached the point in our family situation that seems to call for action, the end of our rope. They suggest, however, that rather than move directly to a course of action, perhaps even the 'obvious' one we have heard by well-intentioned but not thoroughly informed friends/others, that we pause...

Reminder: We likely have dealt with this situation for a long time, it may be beneficial to review what Alanon recommends, consider what alternative choices exist, and whether the course we are ready to employ is truly one that will be beneficial to me and others. 

"Make sure that the medicine you decide on in a rash and desperate moment doesn't turn out to be worse than the malady." - unattributed
There is no doubt that my reasonableness, once I've reached the end of my rope, is not my best. That is the time I am more likely to do something more drastic, less program, something that may feel good at the time but is not good for anyone long term.

Rather than continue to save my 'best thinking' for the most difficult time of difficult situations, I have really tried to put more effort in studying the problem from a program perspective in the period where I know I am struggling but have not maxed out. That brings the most success for me of using the program wisdom.

I will say that I have experienced really good results from the pause, even after I feel I have reached my decision point, reworking the problem from top to bottom, looking for ways to use the program.

Many times, this has kept from making drastic decisions or saying things I would regret later. Unless it is a safety issue, and mine never has been, I have always benefited from giving the program another chance.

Grateful for the wisdom of the program...  




"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives."  - Paths to Recovery 

~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 916

Thank you Paul for your service, todays reading and ESH.

Pausing, I find, has been absolutely the best way to save my sanity and stop from over reacting in chaotic times.

I too, many times find that, when I react to quickly at those times I am boiling over, there is regret.

During that pause, it is a chance for me to reflect on that regret and that helps me to pause.

Gratitude in abundance for sure!!


"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it

does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 2726

Thanks Paul for your service and for all above ESH. Pausing is a blessing/useful tool I have learned in this program. I need to pause, think, and pray if necessary. That pause keeps me from over-reacting and/or jumping to a conclusion. Taking time to THINK is such a huge help. I have found that sometimes, if I can wait something out, I can actually do nothing which is an excellent choice sometimes. Live and let live, Let go and let God--progress not perfection. :)



Senior Member

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Posts: 122

Allowing myself to reach breaking point and then making a rash decision is a long-time habit of mine. I'm trying to work on not letting things get to that point, but pausing and reviewing my al-anon tools is a good strategy for managing those moments. Thanks for the reminder

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