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Post Info TOPIC: Gaslighting


Veteran Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 56
Date:
Gaslighting


Just looking for some ESH here on how you all deal with gaslighting from an A. That seems to be my biggest downfall at the moment, reacting to it and it's causing me to ride the crazy train again. Well, I am causing myself to ride it, I already know that. I'm just having a hard time stopping. 

 

Thanks in advance. 



-- Edited by SunnyFrog on Thursday 25th of August 2022 07:33:44 AM



-- Edited by SunnyFrog on Thursday 25th of August 2022 07:34:29 AM

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~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 582
Date:

{{SF}}

Dealing with gaslighting requires me to recognize in the course of a conversation

that I need to disengage and walk away, saying that I am not interested in this

discussion. When you walk away you are sending a clear signal that the

gaslighter is not playing fair and you are not going to take it. Do not engage

when you are called names, that method of trying to suck you back into the

chaos is typical. Just smile and walk away knowing that you are better than

this!!!

__________________

"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it

does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown

Debbie



Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 111
Date:

It doesn't always work; gaslighting is a big trigger for me too but stating my truth calmly and refusing to engage with it feels pretty good. Unfortunately, I'm just as likely to get mad and yell "stop gaslighting me!" lol. It's a work in progress.

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Veteran Member

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Posts: 56
Date:

Thanks guys.

I try so hard to not react,and I am getting pretty good at it. But the gaslighting omg it irritates me so much and it's hard to walk away. Many times I can when it's just petty little stuff that's not worth it but when it's major stuff I end up blowing up.

Even if it's printed in black and white,even if it's recorded,even if there's witnesses.....being told it's not real or true and I am just lying or crazy = GRRR.





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~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 582
Date:

{{SF}} you are not alone!!

__________________

"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it

does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown

Debbie



Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 250
Date:

I do still try to separate myself from unhealthy situations, people for my own sake. The more I work To Thine Own Self Be True, the greater the self support. Also leaning on my higher power for zipping my lip also helps. The more I trust in what I know to be true and feel whole as a person, the less vulnerable I feel to emotional traps from other people. I've gained more serenity from walking away than  letting someone else know that I know what they are doing. In recovery, we tend to find our people and build a full life outside of those in our lives who are still using substances and acting out. For me healthier relationships have sustained me. I know what is true for me. Using You may be right and then taking care of myself either by walking away or getting busy with something I want to do for myself still works pretty well. I've reached a point in my recovery of not caring if the other person knows I'm onto what they are doing. It just doesn't matter. I accept that other people are going to be who they are. It's their right. It's also my right to choose not to get enmeshed in their stuff to not buy in and later regret giving my power away to them. I make self care my priority in these situations.



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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 2439
Date:

Thanks to all for ESH on this very important topic, and it's one I have to deal with much of the time. First, this is one area that takes practice, practice, and more practice, to be able to keep myself in check and balanced when being set on fire! A very wise person taught me: pause, think, and pray. Bless them, change me. I have also said, I will think about this. Once I engage I'm done for, so I have to detach and walk away. BTW, I'm accused then of "walking away and not talking," but if I'm going to lose my mind, there's no point. Save my energy for something really important. Ask, how important is this??? It's a truly great slogan, really. QTIP: A gem Betty bestowed upon me: quit taking it personally. And to sum it all up, Progress, not perfection, is the best I can do.

Have a great Friday MIP. :)

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Lyne



Veteran Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 56
Date:

Thanks for the additional replies since I was here.

Yeah, I just gotta turn walking away into a habit,it's what I do anyway after blowing up. I need to just save myself the headache and hassle and do it right away. That always feels much better anyway.

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