Al-Anon Family Group

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Post Info TOPIC: Hope for Today Aug 7

~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 1087
Hope for Today Aug 7

Todays reading is about how the tools and practices within alanon help us to find our rights and personal growth.  The writer describes being affected by his/her fathers alcoholism by experiencing depression, overeating and low self-esteem.  After attending several alanon meetings, the writer began to see that the issues that were holding life at a standstill grew from the inability to be true to him/herself.  The writer noticed that there was a tendency to be taken advantage of because he/she wanted to please others.  Then there would be a depressed reaction if the writer behaved in a way that was in opposition to his/her beliefs.  If the writer set a boundary, there was guilt about it.  The writer describes this impossible balancing act as going through life walking on a tightrope. 
Alanon showed the writer there were rights to discover: meetings included the right to speak without interruption or advice.  Anonymity was respected.  The writer heard for the first time that no is a complete sentence. He/she began to apply the Serenity Prayer to relationships and the instinct of people pleasing. There were ways to set realistic goals and work step by step to achieve them, building self esteem.

Like the writer, I have experienced fallout from alcoholism in all the ways described above.  When I attempt to scrutinize the reasons behind behavior I would like to change, it is usually rooted in some attempt at control over things that are not controllable (so I will set up a way to exert control- like over- or undereating). One of the most valuable things I have learned is that the feeling of security and control can radiate out if I am taking care of myself with: exercise, eating well, meditation/prayer. Over time I have felt less like I am reacting to events in my life (and other peoples lives!) and more like I am paying attention to my own.

The quotation from From Survival to Recovery (p276) reminds us: Al-Anon taught me that I am worth somethingbutmost of allthat I can choose how to live my life.

I hope everyone enjoys a peaceful Sunday:)



~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 649

Thank you so much Mary for your service today and your wonderful ESH.

Al-Anon has been such a game changer for me as well in that learning to mind my own business and take care of myself

has given me so much of my self esteem back. There is definitely a correlation between spending to much time trying

to control things outside of my realm and losing my sense of self. Happy Sunday to you and the MIP Family!


"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it

does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown


Senior Member

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Posts: 271

Thanks Mary for the reading and your share. I have known all of these effects as well. When I began to apply the suggestions mentioned in this reading I somehow knew that making myself a priority, exercising my right to say yes to myself and no to others wasn't going to be well received. That behavior wasn't acceptable to those who had been used to getting their way. But once I'd risked to take my power back, to confront, to choose in my own best interest; there seemed no turning back. Turning back, reverting to being a doormat again to keep others close meant devaluing my own worth and making others my higher power. Even after many years in recovery, I can remember the beginning of the end. I can remember how asserting myself and saying NO changed my life forever. In my heart, I knew I was going to lose people but my higher power willed me to speak anyway. I was painfully enlightened that my value was not based on who I was, it was based on my willingness to give others what they wanted and on their terms only. A doormat worn thin, I was simply discarded and replaced. Rejection is God's Protection. My hp had willed me to speak and teach me more about love. It was a heartbreaking to learn that when you choose to recover, to love yourself, stand up for yourself; you may lose people you love along the way. To Thine Own Self Be True. I can't imagine living any other way now. I'm grateful so very grateful for this ongoing journey of self discovery. I'm no longer a hostage to the validation of others for my worth. I'm grateful I chose to keep coming back to Alanon. I'm grateful to be able to give and receive love and support without losing myself and to keep recovering one day at a time.


Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.

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