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Post Info TOPIC: C2C August 4th


Senior Member

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Posts: 121
Date:
C2C August 4th


Hello everyone
Today's C2C speaks of developing the ability to accept and grow from constructive criticism because we are, at the same time, learning not to judge our personal value and worth on how we think others perceive us. It mentions being able to "risk disapproval" and having the courage to learn more about ourselves. 
I think this is a really rich topic that draws on our ability to take honest inventory and the freedom we gain when we start to see our own "defects" as opportunities for growth or even misused strengths we can build on.
It's a very topical reading for me today as I have just this afternoon applied for a job in which I will be supervised and accountable (I have always actively avoided these types of roles because I considered myself so "bad" at taking criticism and instruction). I feel ready but I'll certainly be relying very heavily on my al-anon tool-kit and trying to remember not to take criticism or suggestions as an attack- something I think I learned to do as a defence growing up with and then being in relationships with difficult and often drunk people. I'm glad this reading came along today as I was quite specifically worrying about this particular character "defect" in myself and how I will manage it if I get the new job. Lo and behold, the answer appeared. Magic



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~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 649
Date:

Thank you YKM for your service, today's reading and your very honest ESH.

I too struggle with, the sometimes heavy criticism of the alcoholic in my life and the only reason I bring that up is

because I have to keep it in the perspective of source that it comes from. Not allowing that criticism to rule my

progress in Al-Anon and keep what I normally would encounter separate so that I can manage my relationships

outside of the alcoholic. Detaching helped a lot and leaning on my HP was so helpful. Working the steps and

keeping everything separated is a bit of a juggling act, but doable.  smile

Wishing you the best on your interview and hope you get the job YKM!!!  {{HUGS}}

 



-- Edited by DM2021 on Thursday 4th of August 2022 06:56:21 AM

__________________

"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it

does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown

Debbie



Senior Member

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Posts: 271
Date:

Thanks youknowme for your service and to you and dm for your shares. I'm grateful Alanon has helped me to know my worth. Having self worth helps me to know the difference between constructive criticism and abusive ridicule. I'm grateful for constructive criticism. I see positiveness in it as it gives me some things to consider as possibilities of change for the better. Abusive ridicule is simply toxic and it's only purpose is to belittle, shame and push the receiver down. There really is no good that comes from it for the person who is on the receiving end of it. With time and experience, I've grown to love myself more and to trust my feelings. One valuable program tool for me has been to stay present and not project my past onto the present. Uncomfortable feeling may arise initially from constructive criticism but when offered respectfully I am able to accept it and find a great deal of value in it. I don't learn and grow by being in a bubble. I can ask myself questions like does this seem to make sense? Does this seem true for me? Does this honor me as a person worthy of mutual respect? I can then proceed from there. Mostly, I've learned to say thank you to the other person for their input and utilize HOW often. I remain honest in my communication with them, open to hearing them and willing to consider what they are saying at face value. Sometimes "feelings aren't facts." But sometimes they are. I don't always presume that I am being overly sensitive in these situations. Sometimes my concerns about another person's constructive criticism has been spot on. Unhealthy behaviors can be displayed in anyone not just drinkers. If I continue to be uncomfortable with how someone is communicating criticism, unsure as to whether I am hypersensitive, I discuss this with others in the program. I try to gain perspective concerning my feelings but in the moment with the individual offering the constructive criticism, I do my best to respond from a place of mutual respect rather than react. It's only through risking to have interactions with others even uncomfortable ones that I can continue to grow and evolve as person. It continues to be worth it. All the best to your YKM. I hope your hp will place you where you'll be of most use. ((hugs))



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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 2486
Date:

Thanks YKM for your service and above ESH. Program has given me courage, more confidence, and self-esteem I lacked before. Because I care about myself now, I try to take criticism with a grain of salt, not to overreact, and consider what was said over time. Is there any truth to it? Also, if the person giving the criticism can do it in a respectful, professional way, that is a plus. I must accept I am not perfect and still have lots to learn about many things. All the best to you with this job situation!

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Lyne



Veteran Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 56
Date:

Good afternoon everyone.

Constructive criticism...I really don't mind that so much if it's actually constructive. That's way different than just criticism,which I don't take well most of the time.

I guess that's all I have to say about this topic LOL,cause I can't remember the last time I had actual constructive criticism. If the topic was just criticism I would have much to say.

Have a good day everyone.

__________________


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 864
Date:

Thanks for your service YKM, and all for earnest and honest ESH.

Such a great page, such an important concept. Alanon has helped me immensely to break the cycle of:

* Fearful defense
* Weighing the validity of the criticism against what I could find wrong with the person giving it
* Confusing criticism or room for improvement with failure

In the rooms I heard early on that I could learn something from every human being, including the alcoholic. I could learn something from every situation bad/good, successful/catastrophic.

Alanon was the beginning of reaching a point that I am better able to look at the absolute gains to be made from observations of another person, and I am such a better person because of it.

Thank you Alanon

__________________

Paul

"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives."  - Paths to Recovery 

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