The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
This author comments about inappropriate ways of dealing with anger: denying it, stuffing it, going off in a fury, and/or directing the anger outward. One can also avoid any and all conflict, and turn into a doormat! Alanon encourages us to acknowledge our feelings, but to be responsible for directing anger appropriately. We can beat up a sofa pillow, clean a dirty oven, or communicate about the conflict sooner than later.
Quote from Thomas Jefferson: When angry, count to ten before you speak; if very angry, count to a hundred.
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I must admit I spent many years being a doormat, due to my fear of the repercussions if I dared speak up about my dislike of something. I'm not sure I could even tell when I was angry. It was a painful way to live, as I made myself not count. But after several years of this program, I resigned from the doormat club! I know when I'm angry these days, I can pause, think, and pray when needed. I can bring my issue to a member of our fellowship, and I do take action. Say what you mean, mean what you say, but don't say it mean.
Thank you Lyne.
In my doormat years I would always end up exploding eventually, perhaps after months of agreeable silence, and I'd agree some more when I was called a psycho. Then I would hate myself for it, and I think all of that anger I was directing at myself instead of calmly stating my legitimate grievances made a huge contribution to how depressed I was and how little self care i was able to perform.
Learning to say what I meant, and yes, meaning it and not saying it mean but also, very importantly, not apologising for it afterwards meant standing up to my biggest critic/ abuser at last- myself and it's had such a profound impact on my state of mind.
