Al-Anon Family Group

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Members Login
    Remember Me  
Post Info TOPIC: C2C, Monday, 7/11, dealing with anger

~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 2486
C2C, Monday, 7/11, dealing with anger

This author comments about inappropriate ways of dealing with anger:  denying it, stuffing it, going off in a fury, and/or directing the anger outward.  One can also avoid any and all conflict, and turn into a doormat!  Alanon encourages us to acknowledge  our feelings, but to be responsible for directing anger appropriately.  We can beat up a sofa pillow, clean a dirty oven, or communicate about the conflict sooner than later.

Quote from Thomas Jefferson:  When angry, count to ten before you speak; if very angry, count to a hundred.


I must admit I spent many years being a doormat, due to my fear of the repercussions if I dared speak up about my dislike of something.  I'm not sure I could even tell when I was angry.  It was a painful way to live, as I made myself not count.  But after several years of this program, I resigned from the doormat club!  I know when I'm angry these days, I can pause, think, and pray when needed.  I can bring my issue to a member of our fellowship, and I do take action.  Say what you mean, mean what you say, but don't say it mean.



Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 121

Thank you Lyne.
In my doormat years I would always end up exploding eventually, perhaps after months of agreeable silence, and I'd agree some more when I was called a psycho. Then I would hate myself for it, and I think all of that anger I was directing at myself instead of calmly stating my legitimate grievances made a huge contribution to how depressed I was and how little self care i was able to perform.
Learning to say what I meant, and yes, meaning it and not saying it mean but also, very importantly, not apologising for it afterwards meant standing up to my biggest critic/ abuser at last- myself and it's had such a profound impact on my state of mind.


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 649

Thank you Lyne for your service and to you and YKM for both your ESH.

I am in agreement with you both!!

I feel so much better using the Al-Anon tools and literature, when it concerns understanding

and dealing with anger. I so totally see the uselessness in going head to head with a drinker

and how it only creates more discourse and unhappiness for me and the drinker. When the

drinker is confronted with angry words it does more to re-enforce the problem than it solves.


"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it

does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown


Page 1 of 1  sorted by
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.