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Post Info TOPIC: C2C July 7th

Senior Member

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Posts: 121
C2C July 7th

Today's C2C speaks of being released from the need to prove ourselves right by assigning blame during conflicts. So often, when we live in constant conflict, we become score-keepers and prosecution lawyers, determined to prove that someone else is at fault so that we can feel secure that we are not to blame.
It's easy to see where that habit comes from; many of us have spent years under the constant pressure of unreasonable blame and it becomes a pre-emptive measure to assign blame before the finger is pointed at us.
An example that always leaps to my mind is in the early days of dating when my ex A got very drunk and passed out. I left and went home and 2 days later he called me, furious,  to tell me his pet bird had died because he had locked it in the laundry when he was drunk and it had drowned in the sink while he slept for 2 days. Apparently, I should have checked to see where the bird was before I left.
I know we aren't here to remember unfair or upsetting events but I try to think hard about how these experiences have altered my interactions now and it's quite easy for me to see that I can now be quite reactionary with my offspring, and I do indeed jump to the role of prosecution lawyer any time I feel like I might be under attack (when often I am not). It's very dysfunctional and something to be acutely aware of, and it helps to remember how that sort of nonsense felt to me when the shoe was on the other foot.
The reading suggests that we often assign blame to mitigate the discomfort of understanding that we are powerless; a simple and powerful reminder that it's quite OK to be just that- powerless. 


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 645

Thank you so much YKM for your service and today's reading and ESH.

What a great post!!! Living in constant fear of being blamed is so "dysfunctional" and feeling powerless can almost make one

feel shell shocked. I am making progress because living with a partial narcissist/alcoholic is a real challenge especially when

they are so very argumentative and defensive. You are right powerlessness is alright when I let go and let god and not cling

to my ego. At a certain point my rationality surfaces and it is evident that it really doesn't matter. It is so not worth losing my

serenity to the alternative of living in chaos.


"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it

does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 2484

Thanks YKM for your service and all above ESH. For years I tried to prove to my A that I was right and I knew what was going on. I could see the lies and I hated it along with all the other alcoholic traits. It's only learning to focus on myself, and letting all the rest go, that I have become a more sane person. I'm grateful for all the tools, wisdom, and people that are part of this program.



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