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Post Info TOPIC: Boundaries


Veteran Member

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Posts: 43
Date:
Boundaries


Good morning - what do you do when you're addicted loved ones are in trouble - real trouble, like threatening to kill themselves trouble - but you have boundaries, healthy boundaries that they refuse to acknowledge?  My 22 year old daughter has decided that selling prescription drugs is more lucrative than a job.  She was told to get out of the house if she wouldn't get a real job and she did.  Fast forward 2 months and her living arrangements are not what she expected and she wants to "come home" until she finds another place to live.  I told her she can come home and start looking for a job but I am not running a hotel.  Of course the curses started and the manipulation blame game but I did not budge (I'm actually very proud of me); however I can't shake the feeling that she may just "end her life" as she says.  As most addicts, she has mental illness and never was a "happy" person, she is just so dark and delusional - I have no idea where she is so alerting the authorities of a suicidal person really isn't possible; however, I cannot shake the feeling she may just really do it this time and that would destroy me.  I know there is nothing I can do and it is her choice, but I'm scared for her and maybe feeling a little guilty.



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Mary hack


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 649
Date:

{{Mamamary1964}} I am so sorry to hear this news about your daughter and you.

I sense you know you are on the right track, but are scared and when I most scared is when

I hand my fears to my HP. Lean on your HP {{HUGS}} she/he will know what to do.

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"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it

does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown

Debbie



Veteran Member

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Posts: 43
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I've handed my whole life over to Him and He has given me comfort it's just that right now I am vulnerable and in my "feels" which is not where I should be. I have been praying non-stop and reading and I know He has her, but the guilt.


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Mary hack


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 564
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Any decisions I ever made based out of fear, were never good decisions for myself.
Your daughter, is likely very resourceful and you are not her only option. You are perhaps her easiest option?
I try to remember, when in doubt, do nothing.
Most things work themselves out and not in the way that I usually catastrophized.
I worried endlessly about all kinds of awful outcomes when my daughter was in active addiction.
Most of those things did not happen or did not happen in the way that I thought they would.
No matter how hard I tried, I simply could not stop or control any of the potentially harmful things she was doing at that time.
When she decided that she was done living that kind of life, it was abundantly evident. Then and only then was "my help" of any benefit.
Prayers to you and your daughter that she to will find her way.

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Veteran Member

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Posts: 43
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Thank you Serenity47 I really appreciate those words of encouragement. I know I can't control anything and that any "help" I may give her to get out of her current situation will only set her back - so I have no intention of caving in. She just really knows how to push my buttons with the blame game and the manipulation. My son told me to block her, I think I am going to.

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Mary hack


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 2770
Date:

Hugs, mamamary1964.

I want to say that I am super impressed with your strength and Boundaries!!
You have solid boundaries, and I know it takes immense fortitude to stay strong in the face of a manipulating child (no matter how old they are).

You SHOULD be proud of you!!!    

One thing that has helped me tremendously with FEAR and GUILTY feelings was Tapping. Just Google it. Sounds weird, but it really worked for me.
Something like, "Even though my child is making poor choices, I have no control over that or the outcomes. HP will take of that, and I can let go of the guilt"
Something to that effect. I did this every night before bed. I was super skeptical and annoyed by the  time it took (in reality, not that long),  but it worked.

Wishing you peace today!

PNP



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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend

"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness."  Mary Oliver

 

 



~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 2486
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{{{Mamamary}}} I was in the field of mental health for my career. I learned that when someone really wants to kill themself, I could not stop them. But I would try my hardest to offer appropriate help. It sounds like you are doing that. An intervention might help and maybe there is an addiction clinic in your locale that could assist you. Of course this is assuming you could know where your daughter is. It can be very difficult to know what is manipulation and what is an actual cry for help. Prayers for you and your daughter.

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Lyne

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