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Post Info TOPIC: “Learning to feel good about ourselves” – C2C – July 01, 2022


~*Service Worker*~

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“Learning to feel good about ourselves” – C2C – July 01, 2022


The author of todays Courage to Change suggests that some of us readers have spent too much time feeling "critical of ourselves",

mainly/possibly because of the critical environment we have been exposed to for so long.

Al-Anon suggests that at the end of each day we (mentally or physically) list our "positive qualities" in order to "counteract those

negative and self-critical thoughts".  It is suggested that it would be helpful to list 5 10 assets about our day that we feel good

about before we go to sleep each night.

The goal is, "with practice we will learn to treat ourselves with gentleness and compassion". 

Todays Reminder:  "Today I will make an effort to remember that I am a terrific human being". 

Todays Quote:  "Everthing there is but lovin' leaves a rust on yo soul". ~ Langston Hughes

This reading does really speak to me, but what I struggle with the most is how the alcoholic in my life has so much disrespect for

themselves and our marriage.  It is a sad epithet that if it were not for Al-Anon I would have been long gone several years ago. 

I have not lost hope/faith because I continue to ask my HP to help and guide me to do what is best.  I accept that I cannot cause,

control or cure the disease of alcoholism.  I find that there are good times, which never last very long and then I am thrown the

old nasty curve ball and it is then that I need to soul search to find my peace again.  Mediation does help a lot!!  I do not want to

shut the alcoholic out, but I find in order to preserve my well being I cannot engage with them concerning anything but maybe the

cat and household topics.  Beyond that is a verbal contest and I find that those contests and the alcoholic defensiveness very

disturbing and demeaning.

I learned early on in Al-Anon that feeling critical and bad about myself is what the disease wants and does to those of some of us

who are living with an active drinker or even one who is trying to get sober.  It is coming to terms on a daily basis with the

rhetoric/chaos that still takes my breath away.  I am trying to find a half way medium so that the disease does not disappointment

me at such regular intervals.

How do you deal with negative and self critical issues?



-- Edited by DM2021 on Thursday 30th of June 2022 06:15:29 PM

__________________

"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it

does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown

Debbie



Senior Member

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Hi,DM2021, it's WendyP, I can relate so much with your journey, and as I have posted before, I am not living with active Alcoholism, but my effects. I have learnt that I would have them whether I was living with an Active Alcoholic, that is what was left for me. My 2nd Husband was so nasty, and tried to destroy and take everything off me that he could. Relationships, even had 2 of my children[Not his} brainwashed into believing it was me. I was the problem, thankfully through him, I found Al-Anon. But, Boy, I can remember the times when he would stand in front of me, and give it to me, and I would have to look at him and tell myself, this is the  disease speaking. His Alcoholism stripped me to the bones,  Al-Anon is helping me put myself back together again. It was the people in Al-Anon who helped me so much, when he would get me, I  always had a shoulder to cry on and a great big hug. So I am sending you my shoulder, and a great big hug.

I still suffer, like yourself with those thoughts that I am not good enough, the stinking thinking. I have to work very hard to keep them at bay. How do I do that, I stop and remember where I was, where I am now. For how far I have come, that I have been infected by an incurable disease. For the Courage to try and keep going when I want to give up. To put one foot in front of the other, to be grateful for what I do have, the people who love me, it helps me believe that I am a nice, loving person. One that God loves no matter what, I look at myself in the mirror, and ask myself, "Are you proud of the person, who looks back". I also, doubts my doubts.

I will leave you with this, I can remember reading it, it helps me keep it simple.If I have someone to Love, Some who loves me, Something to do, and Something to Look Forward to. For when I stop and ask myself if I have all those components in my life, then everything after that is a Bonus. I hope this helps.

Take Care,

Love WendyP.



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~*Service Worker*~

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Thanks Debbie for your service and all above ESH. Wow, my story is very close to your's. My untreated A also disrespects herself and our marriage. Although she believes alanon has destroyed me, it is the only reason I have lasted 30 years. Yes there are those occasional moments of connecting with positivity, and then the hammer falls.

First, I learned to verbally abuse myself in my FOO--had a very raging brother and parents who did not protect me. Then I've married two alcoholics, and the verbal abuse continued. Besides for doing Step 4 several times with Betty, she had me do a daily homework. One part of the homework was to list one of my assets everyday. At first it was unbearable to come up with an asset! But after a long time, I ended up with pages! It works when you work it! Grateful member always.


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Lyne



Senior Member

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Thanks Debb for your service and everyone for sharing. So grateful for our daily readings and program and it's suggestions for living a happy, joyous and free life. I have always had choices but not always the ability to realize that I do. That's perhaps what I'm most grateful for these days, the recognition of my right to free will and courage to act on my own behalf rather than be acted upon.

I've learned through lots of inward finger pointing that I denied myself many opportunities to be fully present, risk to grow, accept healthy challenges and to love myself and others fully. I can also say that I contributed to these forms of denial by continuing to invite equally unhealthy people into my life for some time. I attracted what was familiar. Lack of trust in myself caused me to not be fully available to love or be loved. Risking to be physically and emotionally vulnerable with others was out of the question. Not all people who I invited into my life to stay were alcoholics. Many were simply people who like myself were unavailable. Whether this is the result of living with alcoholism, growing up with an unavailable parents, alcoholic parents, non alcoholic parents; one can only speculate.  I've realized in the big scheme of things this just doesn't matter. I don't need to know the origin to live better, be fully present and be the main act so to speak in my own life.

I've found that much of my angst in the past or when I have a slip in my program today, comes from expectations either of others not showing up in ways I'd like or getting stuck in the "if onlies." It's been important for me to stay out of that woe is me place. What I focus on the longest becomes the strongest. Certainly, considering my personal assets can only build more resilience, lift my spirits and energize me to keep building on positive attributes and actions. And while I'm listing my own attributes as this reading suggests, I am thinking I might benefit from making one or even a few lists of attributes of those people who are closest to me in my life, fold it up and put it in one of my daily readers for any self pity days ahead ;)

My goal each day is to be more patient,  more compassionate and loving toward myself and others. I no longer carry many resentments because I've stopped depending on others for my personal happiness. My hp has given me some harsh lessons to raise my awareness of humility. I'm grateful because I give much more freely now without conditions, without expectations, thought of reciprocity. After years of complaints about the negativity of others, I neither want to feel negativity inside nor display it outward. I don't have to work it perfectly just strive for it. My hp is very easy going and loves me as the work in progress I am. Odaat. I hope by using my Al-Anon tools to continue loving and accepting myself and others in the same way.



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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 645
Date:

Thank you so much {{WendyP}}, {{Lyne}} and {{TT}} for all your ESH.

I did not mean for a reading to turn into a quest for myself, just wanted to be honest that

I am still working on the issue(s) and lessons presented in that daily reading!!

Living with and loving an alcoholic is a challenge for sure, what I need to come to terms

with is that there is no disappointments because there are no expectations. I am getting

there.

__________________

"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it

does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown

Debbie

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