The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's writer felt the drinker's behavior reflected poorly on them, worried about what others thought. Elated when the drinker got sober, devastated a day later, and many times thereafter.
Lesson learned in Alanon: Wellbeing does not depend on another's behavior, but on mine; what is it telling me? Waiting for an alcoholic to change is depending on a disease that can only be arrested, not cured. Some make it, some don't. Isn't our life too important to let others decide?
Reminder: No matter if another is sober or not, now is the time to put energy into my own recovery.
"Al-anon helped me to focus my attention on what I could do about my situation, instead of concentrating all my attention on what I thought the alcoholic should do. I was the one who had to take a stand." ...In All Our Affairs --------------- Early on , Alanon shed light on the fact that I was excusing extreme disfunction in my own life because I could point to the problems of the alcoholic. The challenge then was to abandon the guilty pleasure of the low hanging fruit of someone else's mistakes and remain focused on my own.
I find myself battling the same tendency recently when I don't review my spiritual responsibility to focus on my own behavior and attitude, not justify my poor behavior because someone else is not behaving the way I feel they should.
I am 100% responsible for how I feel today, right now...how am I doing? So thankful for the guidance and reminders of Alanon
__________________
Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
Thanks Paul for your service and the ESH above. I believe it took me several years to stop judging myself for my A's actions. And it took the same years to stop judging the A. Honestly, I do slip back to observing behavior that I cannot understand, (like not choosing help), but I get to practice all my tools on a daily basis. And yes, it is quite a challenge, even though I'm better at letting go and letting God. I would not have survived in any state of health or recovery without this program. I'm a better person for it and grateful member everyday.
