The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I few days ago a topic was stated titled "Why are you here". I thought it was a great topic, I didn't take any offense to it, I believe I saw it for how it was meant to be seen. I read the responses and I got some out of them.
I have been doing alot of thinking since I discovered last night that my "A" is drinking/drugging again. And while I was posting a private message and then resonding to a public message it hit me. This is why I am here:
Last night I was so hurt. I felt so betrayed, my first thought was to go to a meeting. I couldn't I have 3 young kids, 6, 4, and 2. I have at times taken them to meetings, but not when I am needing to share about pain I feel about loving their dad. They are young, but they pick up alot of what I say.
I wanted to call my sponsor, but I was so emotional she probably couldn't understand me. (This has happened before. I have been so upset she couldn't understand me over the phone.
I knew there was a meeting that had just started here, so I went. It was a great meeting on tradtion 5. I got what I needed out of it. I took what I liked (needed) and left the rest. I was able to find my serenity. I was able to give back the attempt to try and control him, and see once again that I can only control me. I was able to be understood through my tears. Becasue thanks to the computer I can type, and don't have to speak. I was able to cry and release.
After that I was calm enough to call my sponsor and be understod. LOL, I fell asleep waiting for her to come home from her meeting. But I got what I needed last night, and I will call her today.
My "A" didn't come home last night. And I woke up at 4:30 like I normally would to go to the gym, but this time the alarm wasn't set to go off until 6am I laid there for a while and stated to get back into my head. So I got up and came here. Sent a message off to a friend.
Because of this sight when I really need to vent, I don't have to worry about waking anyone up. I can say what I need to and then go on. Also, even though things aren't going smoothly here, I can respond to post from other people. Sharing with others helps with the pain and disappointment.
This site is so wonderful. I have been able to reconnect with my HP without he worries of waking someone up. It will never take the place of f2f meetings or the contact with my sponsor, but when I really need it, you all are here for me. When I am stuck at home I have a safe palce to go. When I can't sleep I can vent to people who have been there.
I want to thank you all so much for helping me and really for just being here. It is odd that I can count on people that I have never met more than I can count on people that i have met.
Keep Up the good work, my recovery needs all the program I can give it.
Much Love,
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"Today's problems can not be solved if we still think the way we did when we created them" -Albert Einstein
Thank you for sharing, sorry to here about your A's relapse. So glad you are able to use the tools you have been given to keep the focus where it can do you the most good.
I am sorry you had such a rough day yesterday. I am glad however that you were able to go to your meeting and come on line to help sort through everything. I understand about having an A who fails to come home at night b/c of alcohol & drugs. My A hasn't been home in since he left for work Wed morning. I have no clue if he is alive or dead, at work or in jail. I just have no clue.
I hope you have a good day and try not to worry to much. I know that is hard but try to concentrate on what will make you happy at this moment - pedicure, manicure, sit in the park w/your lunch, anything. Good luck today & you are in my prayers.
I am so sorry for the pain and disappointment you are going through. I'm glad you are able to come here and vent. You are so right, this is a wonderful place! Anytime we can come and share and get ESH.
You are awesome. I'm sorry about the relapse, but your actions and feelings were communicated wonderfully. You inspire me to change course and redirect when the rough times are upon us. Keep it up and never waiver in your strength and committment to recovery.
Big Hugs,
Twinmom~
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"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
Thank you for a fantastic post. I too find this site invaluable with the erratic hours I keep and the health problems I have. It's another tool in the toolbox and I need all I can get. It gives me more choices. It's comforting to know you're all just a click away.
I understand how difficult it can be to work through their relapses and keep our focus. You are not alone. Thanks for sharing how you coped. For me, it's very simple I'm here because I'm sick and am trying to get better, a day at a time. As there's no magic cure or permanent fix I have to maintain my own well-being, some days I'm doing better than others.
I laid there for a while and stated to get back into my head. So I got up and came here. Sent a message off to a friend.
x Maria x