The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Todays reading is a focus on step one and how it can be applied to situations that do not necessarily involve alcohol: We admitted we were powerless over alcohol- that our lives had become unmanageable. The writer describes her attempt to skip over step one since she no longer lived with her qualifying alcoholic. She then heard other people interpret step one differently, using different words or phrases in place of alcohol. Instead of saying they were powerless over alcohol, they applied powerlessness to other people or situations.
The writer remembered different scenarios when she tried to exert control: hiding her stepfathers alcohol, avoiding her mother, getting into trouble. She realized she sometimes sought acceptance from others by saying or doing (or not saying/doing) things she thought others wanted. She saw that manipulation had become second nature. Over time she began to figure out what is and what is not within her control. Substituting other words for alcohol helped strengthen the power of the first step.
When I first saw the steps I thought my problem wasnt alcohol, but the people drinking the alcohol. It took me a while to see the trouble was me thinking I could control people, situations, substances or anything else! What has happened for me over time is that the anxiety that once was associated with a situation I couldnt control started to be associated with anytime I was trying to exert control. Feeling more at ease and serene has come directly from letting go and not trying to force my will. As the writer noted, this awareness and application of step one one also reaches step 12 in practicing these principles in all our affairs.
I've said before that I don't like being or feeling powerless but none-the-less I am. It does help though,in pretty much any and every situation, to remind myself that I am.
Mary, I so appreciate your service, and the ESH that comes with members who share. Thank you.
I divorced my AH, it will be 4 years now in August. I still hear from him, and always apply my Al-Anon when dealing with him.
However, today I find that Step 1 has helped me tremendously with my ill-conceived notion that I had/have control over anything and anyone (save myself, of course). It has kept me sane these two weeks with my octogenarian parents who are dealing with COVID. At first I was so disheartened, b/c for 3 years we have given up so much- online shopping only, no visits with friends, no vacations, no parties/concerts, not even my mom's weekly hairdresser visits etc - taken all the precautions, etc. Yet it came to them anyway. It took all my strength to follow my parent's wishes and not tell my sibling who was out of the country on vacation. I was in a very low/dangerous place emotionally,
Now my mother has been hospitalized for another condition that was exacerbated by the virus. She kept her symptoms quiet for too long, and yesterday she had to be transported via ambulance b/c she was so sick and weak. Her and I spent 12 hours in the ED until they were able to admit her! Today she is having surgery. Normally, I would be a ball of nerves, and full of anger over how we were handled in the ED, and honestly at my mother for keeping quiet. Due to me following this Al-Anon path, I was able to handle an extremely stressful, arduous day yesterday, make my mother's wishes known, kept her calm & stayed loving and positive (without resentments toward her) & was still able to get some sleep. Today, I am not freaking out b/c they won't let me back in to see her before the surgery (Covid Surge Protocols). My father is still testing positive 14 days since first test, but is improving. I remain asymptomatic and negative. I am using Al-Anon to keep my fears at bay after being among so many sick people in the ED yesterday.
I am practicing giving this all up to my Higher Power and to her God. I have strong hope that she will make it through.
Thank you for being supportive members! &
__________________
"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Hello,
I am new to this. Been to like 6 meetingsright now I am angry that I am powerless. I am depressed. I am so hateful and angry that I am refusing to speak or do anything so that I dont hurt myself or others with my words. I am very self destructive when Im angry because I am mad at myself for being angry. Trying not to do that. No judgement. Just sitting here feeling it all until it passes. So much has happened. So much to be upset about in the last 12 years of marriage to the AH. Feeling stuck and helpless. Just trying my best to pause and stay here. This hurts.
I am sorry for what brings you here, but glad you found this space. I understand that anger. However, with time, you will come to understand that in reality, it only hurts you. Keep reading, going to meetings and posting. The process goes in waves & sometimes it is 1 step forward and 3 steps back! But eventually peace can be attained. And PEACE looks different to each person.
Since you mentioned you are new: FYI, this is a public forum. Anyone who clicks on your screen name can see the contents on your profile - in case having your name out there is of concern to you.
__________________
"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Aloha Mai and I'm hoping and praying that this is a real connection this time as it has rarely been for years. Yeppers I've been around since John and have enjoyed the benefits of MIP group recovery for a long time and then??? lost my connection and the ability to reconnect. I don't know what's gonna happen this time or even if it is connecting right now and I feel the joy and hopefulness now. We have our literature, we have our local meetings, we have each other and of course we have our Higher Power but then for me to be able to wake and come to the computer and read MIP's daily input as been a supportive miracle as it has been for sooooo long and I feel the blessing and support where I can return the love myself.
Mahalo Akua...Thank you God for the opportunity to check back and hear the family again.
Computers? cause us to let go and let God. No drinking in this family yet we are just getting over COVID and looking forward to attending face to face groups again.
I hope this msg gets thru...while I still have program tools if it doesn't. ((((love you all)))).
I am very happy to hear that you are recovering from Covid. Certainly missed reading your ESH!
Aloha Jerry! &
__________________
"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
& 
