The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Todays c2c speaks of trying to avoid repeating mistakes by making inflexible rules for ourselves and then trying to stick to them forever. In doing so, we're essentially depriving ourselves for opportunities for growth and only allowing ourselves to experience life through the lens of our past experiences. Taking it as it comes is the message of the reading, which is, of course, another way of saying one day at a time.
It's interesting how often you catch yourself doing this without knowing. I was talking with someone today about the fact that I don't feel calm unless I have a 50-point plan and a spreadsheet charting out my next 5 years. And I said "I know that's a fault of mine because I am meant to be able to "be in the moment" and they looked at me sideways and said "who told you you had to always live in the moment?" And I thought that was quite funny because really, there is nothing wrong with planning as long as I am ready to adjust the plan continuously as need be. My rigid thinking was the belief or rule I set for myself so long ago I can't even remember it, which was that if I couldn't be content in the right now without thinking of the future, I was "doing it wrong". But that has been a limiting ideal that really, no-one can practice on a constant basis so it was that "rule", and not the comfort of planning that needed to be discarded. I thought that was quite an interesting and unexpected realisation!
Thanks YKM for your service and all above ESH. I've come to believe that due to my dysfunctional FOO (family of origin), and then all romantic partners being alcoholic/addicts, that my life was always out of control. I think I planned and made lists so I could gain some semblance of order for myself. In a small way it gave me control, but A's are often unpredictable and inconsistent, so life has been very difficult . Since being in alanon a number of years now, I have been able to let go of this rigid planning I made for myself. I often write a to do list so I don't forget to call a doctor or something of importance, but I no longer need to chart out every hour of everyday , nor feel upset if I don't accomplish everything on the list. By giving up that attempt to control things, I actually feel more in control. I feel in control of myself which includes spontaneity, living in the moment, and being able to change plans. I'm free!
