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Hi, I am new and very confused. I used to go to Alanon and still talk to my sponsor periodically but I have decided I want to get better now and go to meetings again and do everything I can to stay connected. My A husband is in jail on multiple DUIs until at least September, probaby longer. My friend reminded me yesterday when i told her how much I missed him that when he was out of jail, (and sober about 90 days)a month ago, he was driving me crazy.
I guess I dont know what to do-his brother told me to leave him. Everyone tells me to leave him. Obviously, its intellectually the right thing to do. First of all, I dont even know if I could if I wanted to, but I also dont know what I want or how to figure it out. THe thing is that I love him and Im afraid I will never love anyone again like this (I never have before) But Im 32, (thinking about starting nursing school) and Im waiting tables. I dont want to live the life of craziness we were living. I cant! Anyway, I dont know what Im saying. I just know i want to get better and be healthy, whatever that means and I wish I knew what to do about my husband. Thanks
First of welcome. You find this board a great place. There are many people here who listen and offer their experiences and words of wisdom.
About your husband--if he is in jail and will not get out until at least September, I would say work on you. You don't have to "do" anything about your husband right now. Work, go to meetings, come on line, chat, chat chat, read al-anon literature, take care of you. You know where he is, you can go see him on visitation days if/when you so choose, but other than that do you really need to make a decision yet? Work on feeling good about yourself. Possibly make some lists--what is it about him that you really love, what can you honestly not do without that he offers you? Then if you believe that is all you need, you can live with him, them work on detaching with love. Just make sure you are taken care of. Set up your own account, get some positive supportive friends if they are in al-anon GREAT!!!
Just know that you can come here anytime--vent, cry, express things. You will get support, encouragement, and love.
I wish you the best! Keep coming back! Take care of you and be easy with yourself.
hi, Welcome! well guess what? My A husband is in jail too for the same things. And he may be out the same time as yours.
Hey i feel, he is safe, cannot use, can go to the AA program in there if he chooses. It is up to him.
I am enjoying taking care of me. Starting simple. I eat only good food, drink lots of water and juice. NO junk food. Lots of organic fruit and vegies, pasta, rice, stir fry.
Am working on my attitude, keeping positive. Doing what needs to be done. Focusing on my own needs. Healing from the inside out.
If I think of A I stop and think of something else. It is all up to him, how he lives his life.
I always say, if I don't know, I don't know. That is the answer. I never force anything. Well I should not say never. I will know the answer when I am ready. When I take care of me, I grow, when I grow I can take care of situations I need to and not give energy to the other bs.
People who tell us to leave our loved ones, do not understand it is a disease. It is normal for us to love them. Of course we do. they are our husbands, wives, children grandchildren, friends moms dads gpas gmas on and on....
No you will not love anyone else like this. You love him in a way you won't feel for anyone else.
But if you ever choose to end it, you may get to love and be loved by someone else. A totally different love but hopefully just as strong.
Please, please get the book,"Getting Them Sober." It will tell you what to do for your husband I promise. It won't be what you expect at all.
I have not contacted my husband in jail at all. Have you? I keep thinking I want him to be as miserable as possible so he feels so bad he won't want to chance losing sobriety again. I want him to feel so awful and lonely. I want him to see, I am a better drug of choice for him....lol or really that life is a better drug of choice.
Don't want to burst your bubbles, but are you surethey are sober in prison, mt friend had a still and my cousin used drugs 8 of twelve years he served? My cousin said it was easier to score in there than it ever was on the streets. I hope for all of you in this situation that they are and in treatment and working it, but that is their side of the street to keep clean. I just wanted to point out what I know about the inside, so you don't think it is rehab facility.
Jose
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Julianne - It's best to move on. You cannot look back in anger in life. It's too short
YOU______________but I have decided I want to get better now and go to meetings again and do everything I can to stay connected
ME______________ OK, now u have done the first thing GOOD u can do for U.......remember the 3 c's......i did not CAUSE my loved ones problems...............i am not going to CONTROL my loved ones problems ......i cannot CURE my loved ones problems...........so ALL u can do is take care of u and work on your recovery
i find myself less and less willing to let ANYone "mess with my serenity - recovery"........peace/ rosie
Hello Sarah , am sorry u find yourself alone at this time but it could be a good thing , 5 months to work on yourself with no interuptions awsome. Please find f2f al anon meetings and get to as many as u can a week u will find support there from people who undersand exactly how your feeling and will help u get yur life back on track. Your husb will ahve time to decide if he wants to try and live sober .
Don't let anyone tell u to leave or stay it is no ones business but your own . People outside of the program just don't understand. here is the toll free international number for i nfo on meetings near you. 1-888-4alanon good luck.
