The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today is exactly 6 months that I broke up with my A - to me it doesnt feel that long. Sometimes it feels longer and that the time I spent with him was a dream and sometimes it feels somewhat shorter like I can still hear his voice. I know with him 6 months iapart is typical, a year is typical, 2 years is typical. Whenever shit would be so bad in his life, the phone would ring. For so long I believed in our love for each other and that was why he was contacting me - that he realized after not having me for so long, that he missed me so much he needed me back. Reality is - he just had NOONE else who would put up with his craziness and crap and ran to me because he knew I would be there for him.
Wow - looking back over 6 months I have had more growth than I have had in 6 years!! I couldnt even imagine taking him back again, but a year ago I would have (and did). The fantasy is gone - the rainbow colored, sparkling glasses are off and I see the real person he is and I am disgusted by him. For ten years I pitied him, what a horrible life he lived, if only he could get himself out, how I could help him, etc. etc. etc. Not anymore - he will be a drug addict for the rest of his life - he will die a drug addict - he will be broke because of it.
I will be living my life - enjoying the overwhelming success of my company. Enjoying the people I meet everyday and the kids I get to see who walk through my door. I will enjoy my new boyfriend and most likely future husband. I will enjoy my family and friends and the trips I take. I will enjoy the minutes of the day I am lucky to live and not wallow in self pity that the world is somehow against me and have the only way to cope by numbing the pain.
Thank you for the insight. Although I love my A dearly, I too know in my heart that I would be a better person without him in my life. My counselor even asked how long will I continue to live like this? Right now my mom is terminal, so that is top priority, her and I, our relationship, my life will change drastically in the next year and your statements about your life now will be kept close to my heart. I know there is life after loving an A. My time will come. Thanks for sharing your courage.
I'm so happy for you (((cyn)))! sounds like you are doing good things for yourself! what an inspiration...ahhh! It's been 6 months since my A and I broke up too...only i'm not yet on the marriage path with anyone..lol! good luck there, you deserve the best!
