Al-Anon Family Group

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Members Login
    Remember Me  
Post Info TOPIC: Courage to Change May 11

~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1048
Courage to Change May 11

Hello MIP! 

In today's reading, the author shares that since we spend the most time with ourselves and our own company, taking the time to develop a relationship with ourselves is valuable. They share a bit about inner emptiness, and how another person cannot keep us from feeling lonely, but that our inner emptiness can be filled when we come to value our own company. 

A lot of people in AlAnon feel at first that our inner emptiness can only be filled by the alcoholic in our lives, and we fill our minds with "if only they would...I wouldn't be so lonely" thoughts. But often, we find that when those conditions are met, we are still lonely. 

Now, thanks to the program, the author realizes that they are in good company when they are by themselves. They stopped expecting others to meet all of their needs, and are finding new ways to be in their own company.  

Today's Reminder: Today I will spend some time exploring the most intimate human relationship I will ever have - my relationship with myself. 

Today's Quote: "What a lovely surprise to discover how unlonely being alone can be." Ellen Burstyn 


I've always enjoyed spending time alone with myself, but I have noticed the "If only my alcoholic would.....then I would be...." thinking. I've trued very hard through the years to challenge that thought process, and focus my energy instead on the goal I have. Instead of waiting for a magic moment where my AW will do whatever, I instead focus on what it is that I want, what my goal is, and then think about what I can do to take a step toward that goal. 

I do get frustrated sometimes, and I know it would be so much easier if the alcoholic in my life were participating and working toward the same goal, but I try to remind myself that I need to focus on myself and what I am doing, and that I will make progress toward my goal if I keep working on it, one step at a time. 


I hope you make today a great day! 



If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu

~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 2360

Thanks Skorpi for your service and share. This topic/reading is the story of my life. I spent years depending on others for companionship and self-definition. Thank God those days have ended!! Needing other people to complete me was a painstaking and doomed to failure experience. Since I have learned to value myself, I love being alone. I enjoy most of my family and have a bunch of close friends, but my time alone is needed and cherished. I didn't know that I could be my best friend. Thanks alanon. :)



Veteran Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 72

Thanks Skorpi and Lyne. I hadn't thought of myself as "my best friend" before but i think that fits the way I feel these days very well.
I was so surp[rised by how difficult it was for me to learn to tolerate, let alone enjoy my own company. I think it's a real eye-opening moment when you realise how much of your unhappiness with others stems from not wanting to be responsible for your own state of mind and happiness. I have to say this has been one of my favourite learnings; I truly enjoy being by myself now and honestly, it's such an enjoyable novelty that I have to be careful not to enjoy it too much and avoid others!


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 476

Thank you as well Skorpi for your service, reading and to you, Lyne and YKM for all the wonderful ESH.

I agree that since Al-Anon is truly a permanent part of my life, learning to like and trust myself has lead

to a greater ability to enjoy my own company. {{HUGS}}


"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it

does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown


Page 1 of 1  sorted by
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.