The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The writer was taken aback when they received a compliment. They felt discomfort, and couldn't imagine there might be something nice about themself. The writer realized how feelings of self-worth had sunken while living with an alcoholic, and the sponsor began to work on this. The writer was able to begin liking themself and see that there were many qualities worthy of compliments! One way to learn to love oneself is to accept the love of others.
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This reading reminded me of many years that I felt so low about myself, that any compliment embarrassed me. And I did make very slow progress over the years, but like the writer it was my sponsor who jump-started me looking at my assets. At first it was pain-staking, but eventually it got easier to find something, no matter how small. I'd spent years glaring at my flaws. Being able to see the good along with the challenges balanced things out. I am able to feel love for myself at this point even though I will never be perfect, and always need improvement in some areas. But there is no reason not to acknowledge what is good in me, just because others were not able to see it.
I actually do love myself and don't beat myself up all the time like in the past. Most of the time I feel pretty good about myself.
My biggest thing though,is the hurt I feel when the A in my life doesn't see the good in me and voices it. That can take me straight down,not because I believe the things said but because that's what they think of me. I need to learn to let that stuff bounce off me and not let it get to me,but it can be difficult.
