The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
This is my first post on here, and im not exactly sure how to do it, so here it goes...
I have been with my A for 3 and 1/2 years. It seems like we have been through everything. On our one year anniversary he was court ordered to treatment so i've been with him for about 1 1/2 years in his sobriety. I recently got my Step 1, which was pretty exciting since i didnt think it would take that long for me.
As every A, there is a desire to feel good. We all know that. And throughout the years I have got to know him a little more, heh obviously. Anyways, when he gets really down and grumpy for days on end there is usually some 'feel good' thing happening. I used to be drinking, then cheating, now its going online and flirting with other girls (some that i know on a personal level) and sometimes he will ask them to send nude pictures etc. I've told him before that i dont really agree with what he does and i have asked him to stop numnerous amouts of times. As far as I know this is the frst time he has 'slipped' since he last physically cheated on me. The way I founf out though was dishonest too. I was snooping. I dont know if i should confront him and dmit that i was dishonest too, or what?? We are two days into going to montreal for a month together and i dont want this confrontation (if any) to wreck it, or make him feel even more guilt and then who knows what will happen.
Please, i just need anything to help me cope with something that i'm starting to believe will never change.
((((Nicole)))) <==== That's a hug btw on this board.
I am sorry you are in such a spot.
Congratulations though, your first post went just fine. Welcome to MIP.
I am relatively new to Al-Anon, and my AW is not sober, so I don't have much to share for you except that this is a caring safe environment, and many others have been or are exactly where you are right now.
I do however wish you the best and encourage you to keep posting and keep coming back.
Take care of you!
__________________
"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
Probably I would not confront him. To do so will only serve to put him on the defensive, and you would sacrifice a happy vacation. Instead, try to put this in perspective. You cannot change him. He has addictions. Asking him to stop is a waste of your breath. Hopefully the time will come when he wants to change, and only then will he begin the journey to freedom from addiction. You must take care of nicolefrances. Can you attend AlAnon meetings? They are so helpful in leading us to the understanding of alcoholic and other addictive behavior. Meanwhile keep coming back here where they are many people who understand and do not judge.
I wish you well, and have a great trip to Montreal.
__________________
"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
Welcome to Miracles in Progress!! You sure said a mouth full, but not unusual. I say do what your heart tells you to do and keep working your program. We are a great supplement to local recovery programs. Please keep coming back.
Josey
__________________
Julianne - It's best to move on. You cannot look back in anger in life. It's too short
Aloha Nicole! (((((hugs))))) Usually in the phone book, in the white pages is a hotline number for the Al-Anon or Al-Anon Family Groups. On the other end of that number could possibly be someone you could talk to and get a different perspective and experience of your relationship with an alcoholic. This is what I did...and it saved my life!
This is a site with much support but for me not as much support as face to face meetings with literature and genuine experience, strength and hope. The disease is too much for most of us without the real-time active support of a face to face meeting.
The disease of alcoholism is very cunning, powerful and baffling. It robs us of our spirit, mind, emotions and our very lives. We learn to accept the unacceptable and then become unacceptable ourselves to ourselves. This is a fatal disease and that doesn't only apply to the drinker. We go crazy because of what the drinker does and even more crazier because of what we do.
Look in the phone book for that hotline number or call medical professionals or church leaders to direct you to the program. Get there, go to as many meetings as you can in 90 days, get and read as much literature as you can get your hands on (Merry-go-round called Denial is a good one. There all good.) and start working the steps away from the disease.
Then come back here and share what you have learned and the changes that have been made. You will be surprised at what this program does for spouses and family of alcoholic/addicts.
