The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
In today's share, the author reflects on their early thoughts about Al-Anon. In Al-Anon, we keep the focus on ourselves. The author was concerned about what people would think of them if they acted on that principle. They didn't want to be seen as inconsiderate, thoughtless, or uncaring - exactly the characteristics of the alcoholics in their lives!
But, the author's attempts at being self-less by trying to please everyone around them didn't work. The author's sponsor helped them to see that making decisions based on the response of others instead of what seems right to ourselves isn't unconditional giving. If instead, the author focuses on what they think is best, they are free to give without strings attached.
Today's Reminder: The Al-Anon program works when I keep the focus on myself, attend lots of Al-Anon meetings, and make recovery my top priority. As I become more fully myself, I am better able to treat others with love and respect.
Today's Quote: "We are best able to help others when we ourselves have learned the way to achieve serenity." The Twelve Steps and Traditions
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I can get lost in what I should do, instead of what is good for me to do. today's reading reminds me to keep the focus on myself and make decisions that are best for me, also when I think others won't like those choices.
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
It feels so much better when I keep the focus on myself. Life is much better all around. It doesn't change a thing about the other person but it changes everything.
While it's sometimes hard to not worry and obsess and try to control others, not doing so is way more productive and serene.
Thanks Skorpi for your service and all above ESH. My A tells me from time to time that alanon has ruined me! LOLOL I'm the best I've ever been because of alanon, and I tell my A that alanon is the only reason I've been able to stay in the marriage.
I'm also much less hurt by what others do and say, and I truly believe that treating myself with respect and care is the key to treating others in the same manner. As we are taught to keep the focus on ourselves, we are constantly reminded to have compassion for the A's and not to treat them harshly. That works for me!
Thanks Skorpi, and everyone!
I am always reminded of my two grandmothers- one went and enjoyed her life when her children grew up and her alcoholic husband passed on. She went on holidays and did up her home and generally enjoyed herself. The other also had grown children and an alcoholic husband who had passed, but she devoted herself to her adult children and grand-children and worked to buy them things until she was crippled with arthritis. She often called grandma no.1 selfish for taking herself on holidays and having fun, but it dawned on me that all anyone in the family wanted was for Grandma no.2 to put herself first too- we were always worried about her! The lesson I learned from this was that sometimes, putting yourself first is best for everyone because those that love you want you to be happy! Endless sacrifice for others can actually make them feel sad and helpless, and guilty. I try to remember that when I feel tempted to martyr myself for someone else.
) and he once said to me, because he could not rile me up