The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hello all! I believe my last post was in October. I had just about given up on a lot of things. I decided instead of talking I would just read, read, read the posts and the conversations at the meetings. Well somehow, someway, something made me sit down and ask the question "is this really how I want to live?" I answered it in an unsuspecting way.
My A came home that night and I asked for his keys to the house, my car etc. I told him that I am no longer going to take care of his children for him (his not mine), no longer going to support his bad habits and he needs to move out. He did. I don't know if I made everyone aware however, I am 39 years old and just diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer (having a radical hysterectomy on June 2nd). When I got sick, my A was not there for me I realized at that point that he never was and wasn't cable of being in the future. After he moved out, I cannot tell you how "easier" my life has been. I am happy, my work load is lessened, I feel good and get this, I met the most caring loving man in the world. WHAT A DIFFERENCE! My mother told me if I just let go and open myself up to God he will take care of me. He has in so many ways.
I guess that is the reason for my sudden urge to post. I let go and let God.... (it took me 19 years but better late than never). I now look at my A (when I run into him) and cannot ever imagine myself being with him. I never shed a tear, I never looked backed. My hp opened the door to a new world and I walking through it... Thank you everyone in this room for all your posts. Every single one over the past 6 months helped me to have the courage to open up. You all offered many different insights, opinions, words of strength and encouragements. I just read, read and read. Thank you all, I am so very grateful....
I feel the same way. I wish I had your courage and God help me I wish I wasnt so deeply in love with my A.
WHY am I choosing to live this life?
I am recently separated from my husband of 9 years, miserable marriage, found out he had been cheating on me for 6 years with several of his employees. One he had a baby with in secrecy. I got my way out with him, hired a vicious divorce attorney, and I am living well off of his support and he cannot move out of his mothers house. I have lost 65 pounds and am only 3 pounds heavier than they day I married him. Everywhere I go people comment to me that I look great and I feel so incredible and happy.
All through our marriage, I was in love with my A. He and I had split only a few weeks before I met the man I married. I actually tried to find my A 4 days before my wedding, his mother would not tell my friend where he was and sent a message to me that he is happy and she is not going to allow me to interfere in his life. When I found out about my husband, I immediately started looking again for my A. I sent a letter to the only adress I found for him on the internet. 2 months later the letter was returned for no forwarding adress. I sent a second letter, this time to his mothers house. She got the letter, called him and read him the letter over the phone. He immediately called me, the next day we saw one another for the first time in a decade. We immediately embraced, kissed, hugged he was trembling and telling me he should never have let me go. 5 days later he asked me to marry him and told me he had loved me all this time...I was in absolute unimaginable bliss.
2-3 weeks later, I found out he was an alcoholic. I visited him, he smelled like finger nail polish remover and there was an empty Rum bottle, a GIANT one, in the trash can. I knew I should run away. But this is the man I loved for a decade even though I did not know where he was in the world, and he is the man I am choosing to love now.
I love to read, read and read to. I really enjoyed your post and I wish you all the good things you most definatley deserve.
Dear one, your mom is a wise lady!! And as for you, I say "Good show!!"
Please know that I will keep your complete recovery in my prayers and positive thoughts. Come back often so that we can all lend our support and give our love.
Best of everyting, Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
